It's not what I have[.] It's what I have to give. A blog about resources--gaining, giving, and sharing.

09 September 2014

Looking for Employment - My Resume

12:35 PM Posted by steve flores No comments

Email me for references.

steve flores, lmsw
Round Rock, TX 78681  •
License #59668, TX jurisdiction

I am highly motivated, a self-starter, an experienced communicator, and empathic and effective counselor, with experience in grant writing. As a leader, I have experience with small to medium-sized teams, both volunteer and paid staff teams. I am competent working alone and adaptable working with teams. I am a teachable learner and listener, willing to take on challenges and projects. As a counselor/therapist, I have been an advocate, coach, and encourager for many across diverse audiences and geographic regions.  

Education __________________________________________________________________________

Master’s in Social Work, May 2014
University of Arkansas at Little Rock, AR

Bachelor of Science in Church Ministries, with specialization in Counseling Psychology, May 2000
Southwestern Assembly of God University; Waxahachie, TX

Social Work Experience ______________________________________________________________

First Assembly of God; North Little Rock, AR—2008 to 2014
Pastoral Care/Counseling
·         Provide emotional and spiritual support to a congregation of over 3,000 members on a range of issues (i.e., grief counseling, marital infidelity, low self-worth, alcohol addiction, Internet pornography related issues, family issues, and more) through weekly counseling sessions.
·         Collaborate with adult leaders and parents of children (aged 10 to 18 years) for goal-setting.
·         Equip and connect various resources (i.e., issue-related material and advice) to the eleven staff pastors at this location, the five pastors at our other five campuses, and a variety of volunteers and staff members.
·         Researched chronic illness in marriage. Wrote a piece of how chronic illness affects marriages with advice to support one another that was inserted into the Marriage Wellness Survey published by the church in 2011.
·         Provided mediation for marriages and was requested to provide mediation for a highly rated local radio station in Little Rock, AR. 
·         Demonstrated ability to work comfortably and effectively with individuals, families, and groups from a wide range of ages (youngest client—10 years old; oldest client—73 years old).
·         Evidenced compassion, care, and empathy to numerous congregants (and their family members) who were hospitalized for illness, surgeries, or end-of-life treatment.
First Assembly of God; North Little Rock, AR—2013 to 2014
Social Work Internship—Concentration year
·         Created individual and family assessments and intervention plans.
·         Conducted evaluations of practice with a single-subject design for clients (one client—alcohol addiction; another client—Internet pornography compulsion, other clients—premarital counseling).
·         Recognized by field instructor for being highly effective as a therapist, naturally empathic and engaging with individuals, couples, and families. Also recognized for having high ethical standards, an awareness of cultural diversity, a competency using various theoretical perspectives, and a natural drive to enhance personal practice—“regularly looking for ways to initiate new approaches and/or resources to clients.”
Department of Children and Family Services, North Little Rock, AR—2012 to 2013
Social Work Internship—Foundation year
·         Attended investigations of child maltreatment reports, forensic interviews, foster home quality inspections, parent group meetings, and multiple court hearings.
·         Recreated, updated, organized, and scheduled multiple case plans for adolescents “aging out” of the system.
·         Coordinated meetings between interdisciplinary teams (caseworkers, ad litems, and Office of Chief Counsel).
·         Conducted goal setting, evaluation, and supervised parent-child interactions with clients. Also, provided the necessary documentation to be submitted in court. Served as a parent-coach to families through a governmental pilot program called Zero to Three.

Accomplishments ____________________________________________________________________

Counseling Manual; North Little Rock, AR—2014
Researched other faith-based organizations of similar size to create a counseling policy manual. Demonstrated ability to engage in policy practice to advance social well-being and to deliver effective services by writing policies from various reputable helping services. Designed/redesigned specific forms (i.e., volunteer applications, client satisfaction surveys, intake forms, relapse prevention plan, etc.) to enhance counseling services.

Resource Booklet; North Little Rock, AR—2014
Compiled and created a booklet with listings of resources from the North Little Rock/Little Rock area. Resources included, but not limited to, are advocacy and support groups, adoption and family planning, counseling, crisis assistance, employment, health care services, substance abuse treatment, and hotlines.

Kids First; Little Rock, AR—2013
One of six presenters invited to a 2-day conference/training of social workers from around Arkansas, receiving continuing education, discussing complex cases, and/or reviewing clinical cases. Based upon my parent-coaching experience with the Zero to Three program, I shared the importance of working with the family—including them in the goal-setting process. Also communicated tips on building upon relationships, developing trust, respecting clients, communicating with providers, and how to identify and improve systemic issues in a non-judgmental way.

Zero to Three; North Little Rock, AR—2012 to 2013
Selected as the parent-coach representative for Pulaski County to attend a roundtable discussion with the county coordinator and therapists to evaluate the program’s effectiveness. Recognized as the most effective parent-coach in the county and also invited to speak at a national conference (Cross-sites).

Leadership Experience ______________________________________________________________

Metro Worship Center; Little Rock, AR—2005 to 2014
Adolescent/Worship Director     
Primary communicator and overseer of a weekly ministry to disadvantaged adolescents, with approximately fifteen hours of weekly studying and writing lessons. Lead and train 10 adult volunteers.  

First Assembly of God, North Little Rock, AR—2000 to 2010
Executive Director—2005 to 2010
Part of strategic planning team, mediated and carried out administrative tasks for senior pastor, led initiative to restructure and reformat from two to three services in 2008 and to create our first in-house written and produced Christmas Production in 2009.

Music Director—2003 to 2010
Service planner, organized, led, and trained 40 to 50 student and adult volunteer teams for 7 weekly services.

Young Adult Director—2002 to 2005
Researched and recruited a team to begin a weekly event for college-aged adults. Weekly service and event planner, worship leader, co-communicator, who organized and trained volunteer teams.

Junior High Director—2000 to 2005
Main communicator, music leader, service planner, event organizer, who led and trained 30 adult volunteers.

Volunteer Experience ______________________________________________________________

Feeding Homeless; Little Rock, AR                                                                                             2003 to 2014
Gathered supplies needed for weekend events to serve the homeless community. Also, volunteer at a yearly Thanksgiving outreach event that provides a meal, clothing, free haircuts, free legal services, homeless court, some medical screening services, books and balloons for children, ready-to-prepare Thanksgiving dinners for families, blankets and care packages for homeless, and more.

McDermott Elementary; Little Rock, AR                                                                                          2008 to 2009
Mentored 4th and 5th graders—read, played games, talked about achieving goals, and how to improve grades.

25 June 2013

Much More Beautiful and Fulfilling

12:41 PM Posted by steve flores No comments
Dedicated to my wife.
I still remember the day I proposed to this beauty. It was October 4th, 2004. This picture was taken a couple hours before I proposed, at her apartment in Conway, AR. My look says it all. I was hiding a secret. I was nervous. I was ready to ask one of the biggest questions of my life and I wanted to get it over with. I tried to be calm and pretend that everything was okay, but inside my heart was pounding. Each picture her roommate took, I knew was documenting the history of one the most exciting, yet nerve-wrecking days of my life.

Then, I lied. I told her I forgot something by the church piano and asked if we could pick it up before our date that evening. I asked her to follow me into the sanctuary. Each step I took, it felt like my knees were about to buckle and my body would collapse. Her family hid in the media room of the church, watching as the cameras rolled to capture this moment. I never wondered what her answer would be. I knew it would be “yes,” but my mind raced with thoughts about the responsibilities of being her husband and the hopes of one day raising a family with her.

As I imagined on the day I proposed to her about the responsibility of being her husband and hopes of being a father, eight years later the reality is much more beautiful and fulfilling than I could have ever imagined. I love being her husband. I love being her partner in parenting. I love the support she has given me the last eight years of our marriage and nine years of our relationship. She has sacrificed much. She is an amazing wife, mother, and follower of Christ.

Happy anniversary, Natalie! Your husband loves you, truly, madly, deeply. 

15 June 2013


9:10 AM Posted by steve flores No comments
Photo credit:
“Reckless words pierce like a sword, but the tongue of the wise brings healing.” –Proverbs 12:18

When my wife was pregnant with our second child, she was diagnosed with gestational diabetes. Oddly enough, after our first child was born, she was diagnosed with celiac disease. Both diagnoses will force a person to become very aware of one’s diet. My wife has always been a label reader for caloric value, sugars, sodium, fat, and so on. It used to drive me nuts, but now, I see the benefit. Actually, I had been a bit of a label reader myself when she was diagnosed with celiac disease. It is amazing how many products contain gluten!

Labels, on food, can be very useful, resourceful, and can save a person’s life. Proper labeling that is. But, what about mislabeling? For example, in the simplest of ways, celiac disease has to do with gluten. A person with celiac disease cannot cheat and decide to eat gluten one day. That is not how it works. When a person with celiac disease eats gluten, that gluten then destroys the lining of the small intestine, specifically the microvilli that line the small intestine. Your small intestine, the microvilli, plays a major role in the absorption of nutrients from our food. If the microvilli become damaged, it affects nutrient absorption. If nutrient absorption is obstructed, then our bodies begin to deteriorate, at a more rapid pace than just normal aging. So, back to my question, what if food was mislabeled and gluten was not omitted or products were labeled “gluten-free,” but actually contained gluten? It would be detrimental, even life-threatening, to a person like my wife.

What about labels on people? What about mislabeling people? Could the effects be just as detrimental and life-threatening? Could our flippant and haphazard choice of words destroy life in others? Could the absorption of our words deteriorate the health of another individual? Words like:
And the list goes on...

I typed this into my phone on January 16, 2012 as I pondered the question: "Labels can be a great resource for food content, yet a horrible and often detrimental indicator for the well-being of a person."

If you would like, you can follow me:
Twitter:: @steverayflores
Parenting Blog::

26 April 2013

37 on 37

3:38 PM Posted by steve flores 3 comments
Photo credit:
I think I am officially old. I have one fine, white hair that randomly grows (sprouts really) out my forehead. My wife helps me keep a lookout for it, because I believe it sprouts when I am sleeping. Hair grows where I do not want hair to grow and it does not grow where I wish it would. Why are most men blessed with the mange-gene on our backs! (This is probably too honest) I moved up a pants size this year and I am learning to embrace it. The thought of ringing in the New Year by staying up all night serves no purpose for me; I would rather sleep. I have two kids and I am getting more comfortable with wearing out-of-style clothing. I no longer want to purchase shoes with laces; bending over to tie my shoes nearly takes my breath away. The distance between slip-on shoes and Velcro shoes is getting shorter every day. Gray hair is multiplying. I have back and neck pain. I think I am officially old, but I hope I am getting wiser.

A few months ago, I opened a Word document and titled it, “37 on 37”. These are not lessons I have learned since birth, because I have no recollection of infancy. However, these are lessons from failure, experience, reading, relationships, and just an awareness of what has been happening around me. As I thought of lessons, I typed them into my document with the intent of sharing them on my birthday, April 25th, to a group of students and adult leaders at an inner-city church I lead. I hope they are meaningful to you. If not, I hope they challenged you to create your own list. I have two qualifiers for the 37 lessons: 1) I have not mastered any or all of them. 2) I am certain I missed a few or many.

1. Stop making excuses.
Do what you say. If you did not do what you said, then be the first to acknowledge it. Do not wonder if someone has noticed, because most likely someone has. They are just not telling you they noticed.

2. No one is born with a discipline trait.
I learned this lesson from my wife. She said this one day and it stuck with me. Discipline is not easier for some people and more difficult for others. Everyone struggles with being disciplined and the struggle is worth it. A disciplined person feels purposeful.

3. Influences matter.
Guard who or what enters your life. Not guarding what or who influences you would be like not applying a high SPF sunscreen to your skin before you go swimming. You are unprotected and you will suffer later.

4. Time is rarely the obstacle for getting things done.
I used to make this excuse. I am not suggesting that anyone adjust to my schedule. I am in a season of life where I have slept less in the last 3 years than any other time in my life, not because I want to, but because I have to. People usually comment, “I don’t know how you do it.” My response, “I have no choice.” Stop blaming time and start looking for gaps in your schedule. Be methodical about listing what you do every day, notice the gaps, and get things done in the gaps.

5. Being aware and taking action is an incredible quality that will benefit every area of my life.
Oblivious people are given one chance, maybe two, but rarely a third. “I didn’t know” or “No one told me” is an excuse that only works once. If it is used more than once, then you may be viewed as oblivious, uncaring, insensitive, disconnected, or unwilling to take an initiative. As a “rookie” or “newbie” they are considered mistakes. If you are neither, a rookie or newbie, then it is a character flaw that must change.

6. Going to college right after high school may have seemed like I would have been in school forever, but it was actually a small percentage of my life, with fewer responsibilities at that time.
This is self-explanatory. As you get older, you gain more responsibility.

7. Bring empathy into conflicts.
This is empathy, to “step inside the other person’s shoes.” Spend more time trying to gain the other person’s perspective and less time trying to share your own. Clarify what you hear not whether the other person heard you.

8. If I am not reading, I am not growing. Period.
And, do not just read what you like, but choose books that will stretch you and make you better. Reading helps you: communicate, write, process your thoughts, gain new perspectives rather than rely on experiences, and much more.

9. More than saying I follow Jesus, it is my responsibility to discover how to follow and if I am one.
This is a game changer. Ask yourself this question, “What does it mean to be a follower of Jesus Christ?” Or this one, “Does my character resemble Jesus’?”  If you are uncertain or unable to back it up with Scripture, then it is time to discover it.

10. Reading the Bible is more than an activity found on a checklist.
Shift perspective from accomplishing a task to discovering how to align your life with Scripture. That is a much slower process and it does not require a timetable.

11. Following Jesus requires sacrifice, and it is always challenging.
I am still learning this, but I am certain that my comfort is not the reason Jesus died on the cross.

12. Following Jesus does not entitle me to every door being opened, every prayer being answered, and an increasing income. Sometimes it is opposite.
Reading the Gospels, I am convinced that if the disciples believed this, then we would have no Gospels to read. They would have given up a long time ago.

13. Do not be afraid or ashamed to ask for help.
No one likes being in the position to ask for help, unless of course the person is being manipulative, but a genuine desire for help is humbling for all. And by all means, quit believing, “If I confess it, then it will come true.”
When a person is drowning the conversation does not go like this:
Onlooker: Hey, are you drowning?!
Drowning victim: Don't say that!
Onlooker: It looks like you are drowning. Are you sure?
Drowning victim: I don't want to confess it!
Onlooker: Listen, I think you are drowning! 
Drowning victim: No! I'm just swimming (arms flailing frantically and water splashing).
The lesson: People who ask for help get helped.

14. YOLO, but scars and wounds may last for a lifetime.
Do not be foolish with your today neglecting your tomorrow. There are always consequences, always.

15. The Internet is a great resource and can create problems.
Use it wisely. I have seen productivity, jobs, and too many relationships become compromised with social media and Internet porn. Good rule: If you have to hide your activity online, then it is unhealthy.

16. Awareness of weakness rather than boasting of my strength helps keep me pure.
Saying, “I can handle it,” around a bad habit you are trying to quit relies on your own ability to resist something you want—sooner or later you will fail, or give in. Rather than pretending I’m strong, I need to embrace that I am weak, because I do a better job distancing myself from the bad habit. Live weak.

17. Deep hurt (re)defines me.
It makes you bitter or better. I have been both. If you do not want anyone to experience the hurt you have experienced, then make it your mission to be better than the person who hurt you. Deep hurt will change you; it is inevitable. Choose better, not bitter.

18. People really do love me; cherish and keep those relationships close.
Ironically, people who have been hurt usually run from people who exhibit true love and to similar people they just left. It creates further damage. When you encounter people who genuinely love you, keep them close.

19. Say “Thank you” often.
Those two words are powerful. When you do not use them, others believe you are arrogant, selfish, and expect to be served like a king or queen.

20. Everyone loves affirmation, especially when you notice the small things.
Not everyone asks for affirmation, but when they receive it, it is meaningful. Things happen every day, revolving around every one of our lives, and in every arena of our lives. Are you noticing it? The person who sacks your groceries…what is his/her name? Ever thought about writing a card? Be aware of the small things or everyday things, list them, and be specific about affirming another person’s effort.

21. Thinking of only fulfilling my wants will never fully satisfy me.
Looking back over my life, satisfying only my wants (i.e., buying $700 rims for my $1,000 Chevy Cavalier) is never enough; it is short-lived. However, I am filled with joy when I reflect on the moments I gave to others.

22. If I want deep, meaningful friendships, I must learn to become a deep and meaningful friend.
If you just expect friends to find you, to give you meaning, then it is a one-sided friendship. They will not stick around for long, because those relationships are draining.

23. Allow others to raise me to a leadership status, if they ever do.
If I make leadership the priority, then I tend to place more emphasis on myself and my attributes and less on becoming a better follower of Jesus and encourager of other’s attributes. Focus on following Jesus, encouraging others, and allow leadership to be the byproduct.

24. Listening is a more powerful form of communication than speaking.
When you listen, you learn, and can prevent many mistakes. Speaking, without listening, creates many mistakes. Wisdom is not determined by speaking, but knowing when to speak.

25. I do not have to be a parent to learn about parenting or married to learn about marriage.
Think about this: From kindergarten until graduation, we are educated to read, do basic math, to speak, and produce some function in society—13 years. For a bachelor’s degree, add four years—17 years. Master’s degree…you get the idea. At your job, you are possibly learning how to be better at your craft yearly through trainings, conferences, etc. There is a sense of priority for our career. What about the priority of being a parent or marriage? When was the last time you read a book on parenting? Are you doing it yearly? What about for your marriage?  Education for your career…possibly yearly or years of schooling. Education for marriage or parenting….(for many) zero.

26. Jesus provided resources to others and ultimately gave himself as a resource. What do I have to give?
Everything you have is a resource—words, time, money, energy, stuff, etc. Discover how to use what you have as a resource, and not just to service yourself.

27. Be the person people want to be around.
There are at least four different perspectives when you walk into a room: 1) You announce, “Here I am.” 2) No one cares or notices. 3) People care and notice, but hide. 4) People care and notice, and announce, “There he/she is.” The last perspective is results from helping others discover their value, not convincing others of yours.

28. Marriage and family is a microscope.
What you manage to hide in public (i.e., stress, anger, etc.) is usually magnified at home, because the mask comes off. You need a place to be real and it usually happens at home. Be sensitive to how the “real you” affects those closest to you. They may think you are being a “fake” when they compare public you to private you.

29. It is better to be single than wish I was.
Do not rush into a relationship because of outside pressure. Be picky. Get advice. Make certain you want to give your time, energy, emotion, and money to that person. No one is happy in a relationship when prolonged thoughts of being out of the relationship are entertained.

30. Love is a more effective motivator than guilt.
When we use guilt to motivate another person to respond to our desires, it is a power move. The person may respond to shut us up (appeasement) or not respond to send us a message (burned bridge). Either way, there is a loss of respect. Love accepts other’s decisions, even when you disagree with those decisions. Guilt rarely draws a person back when decisions do not pan out. No one likes hearing, “I told you so.”

31. My overreactions give others power over me.
Being bullied throughout junior high taught me this lesson. I used to get angry and yell at my bully, when I was kicked. I used to cry too. Then, I realized that is what my bully wanted me to do. Each time I responded, I gave him what he wanted, a reaction out of me. He controlled my overreactions. In eighth grade, I decided to kick him out of the driver’s seat of my responses. Once people discover your buttons, they push them.

32. “Don’t do that/dress like that/act like that in church” can be a damaging statement.
I think this statement was said to show respect for the “house of God,” but the implication of this statement is much greater. I think my generation discovered its implication, “So, when I get outside the church, I can do this/dress like this/act like this?” If it is not beneficial in church, then it is not beneficial outside the church. We learned how to be good church folk with our own language and standards where outsiders had to conform. It was a show and many of my generation now desire authenticity and sadly have been burned by the show.

33. Strive to be authentic and genuine, not to gain a title or a paycheck.
If it cheapens your integrity, no matter what it is, it is not worth it.

34. Life is fragile and can be gone in an instant. Express love often.
I officiated a wedding in a town about an hour away. It was a joyous occasion. I got in my car, hopped on the highway, and started my journey home. About fifteen minutes into the drive, the car 100 yards in front of me veered into the grass median, lost control, and ended up on the opposite side of the highway in a head-on collision with another car traveling about 70 mph in the fast lane. That vehicle flipped over two lanes of traffic and landed upside-down in the ditch. My heart was racing. I pulled over, ran across the median, across the lanes of the highway, and yelled into the upside-down vehicle in the ditch, “Sir! Can you hear me?!” Fifteen minutes earlier, I was in a tuxedo celebrating the beginning of a new life journey. I am in the same tuxedo fifteen minutes after the wedding, screaming into a vehicle having witnessed the end of a life’s journey. The other driver never had a chance to react. Every day, express love.

35. Journal on paper, email, or text.
This ties into the previous lesson, because life is fragile. We are not promised tomorrow. For your family, capture memories, write down how much they mean to you, or what you thought of them. In an age of smartphone technology, it is simple to create an email address for your wife or child(ren) and send emails or take pictures and send it to them. I hope I live a long life to speak to my family, but if I do not, they will always know how I felt about them, because they can read about it.

36. Living with purpose is not some big, unknowable thing. It may be a small daily decision, like “Smile more today.”
Each day, you can live with purpose. Try it tomorrow. Commit to one thing.

37. I am not always right.
Any or all of these lessons may be incorrect. You may disagree with them, challenge them, or correct them. I’m okay with that, because I am not always right.

31 December 2012

Reflection & Direction Guide

12:56 PM Posted by steve flores No comments
At the end of the year, I am certain there are many ways in which you are being encouraged to plan goals for next year. Here is another way to frame those goals, but also a way to reflect on last year, which is equally important. This is from a lesson I taught yesterday in a Sunday Connection class. Feel free to copy and paste into a document. I hope this helps. It is not exhaustive and you may have other areas to add. If you have more to add, please add them in the comments. 

Here is to hoping that I stay more consistent on this blog, but that probably will not happen. Follow my wife and I on our parenting journey – for new parents, old parents, and want to be parents –

Happy New Year’s Eve! 

Reflection & Direction
O God, you are my God, earnestly I seek you; my soul thirsts for you, my body longs for you, in a dry and weary land where there is no water. I have seen you in the sanctuary and beheld your power and your glory. Because your love is better than life, my lips will glorify you. I will praise you as long as I live, and in your name I will lift up my hands. On my bed I remember you; I think of you through the watches of the night. Because you are my help, I sing in the shadow of your wings. My soul clings to you; your right hand upholds me.
Psalm 63:1-8 (NIV)

List 3-5 individuals whom you feel open to discuss and could take honest criticism from.
At different places in the Reflection & Direction sections, place the name of an individual who could help you resolve a reflection and/or assist you on direction.


What were some successes or joys to be grateful for?

What did not work out, yet I wish had? What brought me pain or sorrow this year?
It is important to identify and address this emotion, because often we try to push this emotion back and never deal with it. Throughout the year, the unresolved and unaddressed emotion becomes an obstacle. Journal about it, cry about it, talk about it to one of those friends you listed…and possibly a counselor.

Am I satisfied in the areas below? If not, why?


What book(s) of the Bible will I read?
            The Plan:

What is one practical way to live out my faith?
            The Plan:

What is the one thing that I need to work on? (reading, exercise, diet, cleaning, hobby, attitude, etc)
            The Plan:

What is one way I can be a better friend?
            The Plan:

What do I need to incorporate to help me become a better husband, wife, son, or daughter?
The Plan:

What do I need to incorporate to help me become a better parent?
*Maybe following :)
            The Plan:

Which of the Twenty Habits (see below) do I need to stop? (could also be used in interpersonal relationships)
*I would only try to tackle one every 6 months.
            The Plan:

Twenty Habits (to stop)
1. Winning too much: The need to win at all costs and in all situations—when it matters, when it doesn’t, and when it’s totally beside the point.
2. Adding too much value: The overwhelming desire to add our two cents to every discussion.
3. Passing judgment: The need to rate others and impose our standards on them.
4. Making destructive comments: The needless sarcasms and cutting remarks that we think make us sound sharp and witty.
5. Starting with “No,” “But,” or “However”: The overuse of these negative qualifiers which secretly say to everyone, “I’m right. You’re wrong.”
6. Telling the world how smart we are: The need to show people we’re smarter than we think we are.
7. Speaking when angry: Using emotional volatility as a management tool.
8. Negativity, or “Let me explain why that won’t work”: The need to share our negative thoughts even when we weren’t asked.
9. Withholding information: The refusal to share information in order to maintain an advantage over others.
10. Failing to give proper recognition: The inability to praise and reward.
11. Claiming credit that we don’t deserve: The most annoying way to overestimate our contribution to any success.
12. Making excuses: The need to reposition our annoying behavior as a permanent fixture so people excuse us for it.
13. Clinging to the past: The need to deflect blame away from ourselves and onto events and people from our past; a subset of blaming everyone else.
14. Playing favorites: Failing to see that we are treating someone unfairly.
15. Refusing to express regret: The inability to take responsibility for our actions, admit we’re wrong, or recognize how our actions affect others.
16. Not listening: The most passive-aggressive form of disrespect for colleagues.
17. Failing to express gratitude: The most basic form of bad manners.
18. Punishing the messenger: The misguided need to attack the innocent who are usually only trying to help us.
19. Passing the buck: The need to blame everyone but ourselves.
20. An excessive need to be “me”: Exalting our faults as virtues simply because they’re who we are.
Excerpt from What Got You Here Won’t Get You There by Marshall Goldsmith

09 August 2012


12:01 AM Posted by steve flores 2 comments
This is a Public Service Announcement!

For those who do not know what Twitter is, click "here".

I have experienced, what I believe is, a “no-no” on Twitter (My wife says I am good at seeing things others don’t). When people I follow retweet [RT] a positive tweet from someone else, it just feels a little braggadocios to me (My mom once said I was a very intuitive person). For the definition of “Retweet”, click “here”.

A #RetweetingCompliment example by Bill Seaver:
First, Joe_Niceguy tweets:
     @Bill_Needslove sure did a great job on that project for us. He's the man!

Then a few minutes later Bill_Needslove tweets:
     RT @Joe_Niceguy: @Bill_Needslove sure did a great job on that project for us. He's the man!
  • If you received an email praising you for doing such a good job, would you forward it to all your contacts?
  • If you received a text from a friend that read, “You are such a great friend. Thanks for being there!” Would you copy and paste it to all your phone contacts?
  • If, in a face-to-face conversation, a person tells you that you are a great listener, would you proceed to tell that person of all the other persons who said the same thing?
Probably not, but apparently it is okay to do so on Twitter (Others have told me they like the concise way I write). Stop it. Simply, reply to the person “thank you for the RT.”

I have heard that by sharing an opinion in a comical way allows the message to be received quicker and easier. Jon Stewart and Stephen Colbert seem to get their message across that way, so I will send tweets to get the message across—hopefully, a subtle, yet comical way to drill the point home of how uncouth this Twitter practice is. Hopefully, you also understood the sarcasm in my ( ) too. 

Follow along or add to them by typing #retweetingcompliments at the end of your tweet.

Here's an example of a tweet I sent this morning:
     @steverayflores: Yeah! I knew you could do it, baby! I’m so proud of you! –What my parents said when I took my first few steps. #RetweetingCompliments

**And for those of you who think you have discovered a loophole by quoting the positive tweet someone else tweeted and then responding “thank you” at the end, it is the same thing. You sly little Tweeters!

You may return to your regularly scheduled activities (perusing Facebook, reading your Twitter feed, or browsing Pintrest).

For more blog rants about Retweeting and other social media blunders, click on links below. 

19 March 2012

Waiting for Abraham...

3:51 PM Posted by steve flores No comments
3:07PM. Nat is resting. I am watching over her, listening to the heartbeat of my son, replying to a text message from my dad about Dassah napping at our duplex, and writing this post. I am full of joy as I take in the moment of being husband and father. There is not enough time or words to type which would adequately express the joy of my heart, but I wanted to solidify a memory. With the moment now logged, I wait to hold Abraham.

Thanks to many of you for your heartfelt wishes, prayers, and positive words. Each one is very special to us and each one is read from our phones. You make us feel very loved.

From me, Natalie, Dassah, and soon-to-be entering-the-air-breathing-world Abraham, we love you.
Loading up the car for the hospital trip. Ready to meet Abraham.

09 March 2012

Conflict – pt.5

12:01 AM Posted by steve flores , No comments
"If another believer sins against you, go privately and point out the offense. If the other person listens and confesses it, you have won that person back.” (Matthew 18:15, NLT)

“…you have won that person back.”
At the end of Jesus’ sentence, I believe we discover the goal of handling conflict: resolution. The goal is not to win an argument, but to regain a relationship. When we operate with the goal to win the argument and not regain the relationship, I believe we are missing the mark. The goal should be to repair the relationship. When we point out all the wrong the other person has committed, we place our feelings above the relationship. It is important to understand this: they may not be the only one wrong. You may be misunderstanding, misinterpreting, and misinformed.

Jesus continues with more instruction, Matthew 18:16-17. The words seem harsh, but when you have read the character of Jesus, they are actually more redemptive and restorative than you think.

Thank you for reading. I would love to connect with you on Twitter: @steverayflores

And, my wife and I write a parenting blog. We would love for you to read what we are learning as we raise our daughter.; Twitter: @messyrearing

08 March 2012

Conflict – pt.4

12:01 AM Posted by steve flores , No comments
"If another believer sins against you, go privately and point out the offense. If the other person listens and confesses it, you have won that person back.” (Matthew 18:15, NLT)

“If the other person listens and confesses it…”
“If” means, it may not go the way you think it should. It might not always work. But, in the middle of the sentence, I think we get a sense of what Jesus would like for us to focus on. A desired response from the person you have a conflict with is the willingness to listen. Wouldn’t that be amazing? When you (or I) approach the person we have a conflict with, rather than get a blank stare or the cold shoulder, the person actually listens! I call that progress. 

Worth considering is our approach in handling conflict. Do you tear into the other person? Do we begin and continue our conversations with blame? You cannot tear into a person and expect them to listen. The moment anyone feels attacked, they go into defense mode. You do it, too. Your automatic response when you are attacked is to defend yourself. If the other person feels the need to defend early, most times they stop listening. 

Thank you for reading. I would love to connect with you on Twitter: @steverayflores

And, my wife and I write a parenting blog. We would love for you to read what we are learning as we raise our daughter.; Twitter: @messyrearing

07 March 2012

Conflict – pt.3

12:01 AM Posted by steve flores , No comments
"If another believer sins against you, go privately and point out the offense. If the other person listens and confesses it, you have won that person back.” (Matthew 18:15, NLT)

“…go privately and point out the offense.”
More than ever, this is an important lesson to follow, because of social media. Today, if someone makes us angry, then it makes it becomes a status update on Facebook or we turn it into a Tweet. If we are smart, we generalize the update or tweet, but, internally, we know who it is for. And, we vent to the world (wide web). In doing so, for Christ-followers, how have we not followed a command of Jesus? In venting to the world (wide web), wouldn’t that be publically pointing out an offense and not privately? Our first response should be to go to the person we have a conflict with. We do more damage to relationships when we talk to other people about our conflict first, rather than the person we have the conflict with.

Even our earnest attempt at following this passage can still create more conflict. Why? Because, underlying our approach is a little word called motive. If your motive is to prove a point, then the conflict may actually escalate, not deescalate. “…go privately and point out the offense,” doesn’t mean go to the person guns a’blazin’ and fingers a’pointin’. This passage is sandwiched between two beautiful stories that should illustrate the tenor of this passage (Matthew 18:12-14 and 21-35). Do not try to just get your point across. This is not the reason to go privately to the person you have a conflict with. Plus, you will not make any progress. What if Jesus requested us to go privately in order to save us from the shame of being wrong publically?
Thank you for reading. I would love to connect with you on Twitter: @steverayflores

And, my wife and I write a parenting blog. We would love for you to read what we are learning as we raise our daughter.; Twitter: @messyrearing