It's not what I have[.] It's what I have to give. A blog about resources--gaining, giving, and sharing.

31 December 2010

Knock, Knock - pt.1

4:09 PM Posted by steve flores , 2 comments
I had this thought yesterday and asked Nat to remind me to journal about it. I felt a significant impact I didn’t want to easily forget.  I pray it has application for you as it did me.

When Dassah awakes from a night’s sleep or a nap in her room, there is an indicator that lets Natalie and I know she’s awake, a knock (usually accompanied with a cry).  In the morning, when I hear her knocking, I love being the one to open the door to her room.  Here’s why: I know, no matter how loudly she has been crying, the moment I open that door she sees me and in a faint, groggy voice greets me, “Papi.”  I love hearing her voice call my name – it’s sweet, innocent, inviting, and tender.  In the darkness of her room, her arms extend outward, her hands motion me closer, and it brings me to my knees, literally.  I kneel to her level and she falls into my arms, an embrace where my heart sinks and I whisper, “Papi loves you.  Good morning, sweetheart.”  No matter how sleep-deprived I am, there is nothing more invigorating, energizing, or captivating than that moment.

But, there are moments when she knocks on the door and I do not open it.  It rips me up inside.  Everything inside me wants to open that door, because I know what will transpire.  I can only imagine the disappointment she faces wondering why mommy or papi are not opening the door.  Against her better judgment, we decide she hasn’t gotten enough sleep, so we listen to her knocking.  I want her to know we hear her, that we’re on the other side of the door, but we keep silent and do not open the door.  A short nap or sleepless night produces a cranky, exhausted child where her day drags.  It’s not beneficial to her for us to open that door, just to experience that greeting; it seems selfish really.  We know she needs the rest although she thinks differently—she just wants the door opened.