It's not what I have[.] It's what I have to give. A blog about resources--gaining, giving, and sharing.

25 April 2011

I’m Not Usually One of Those Guys

11:26 PM Posted by steve flores 12 comments
I’m not usually one of those guys.  You know the kind of guy who needs constant ego boosts, to be told he’s doing a good job, or the guy who fishes for affirmation and encouragement.  I’ve grown up a pretty independent child; just ask my mom.   I’ve always done my own thing.  And when I’ve been assigned a task, I just performed it.  Don’t get me wrong, I love(d) affirmation and encouragement, but I didn’t work to receive it.  I welcomed it when it came, if it came.  I’ve always felt being independent was a good quality, because I learned to muscle my way to get things done, even when it felt like no one else was with me.  But at times, my independent personality is my greatest weakness.  I tend to walk alone, suffer alone, and not that I don’t enjoy other people’s company, but I just don’t do a good job including others into areas of my life.  And for no reason in particular, I just feel like not everyone wants to know what I’m doing.  Again, I’m not one of those guys.  Nothing against those guys, it’s just not my personality. 

These past few weeks have been very difficult for me, not many know that.  I’m taking the GRE.  It’s a pretty comprehensive test that is a requirement to be accepted into Grad School.  I need to score pretty high.  About three weeks ago, I bought three resources to help me prepare.  I’ve been learning 22 words a day, since April the 5th.  I'm on track to learn 500 by the test date, April 29th.  I’m also (re)learning Math.  I used to think I was good in Math, not anymore.  Honestly, I feel like a failure many times.  The last few weeks have been pretty stressful for me.  Many people who knew about the test have been very encouraging to me.  Many people have faith and believe in me. “You’ll do great.”  “You’re smart.”  “You’re probably worrying for nothing.”  The truth is, I’ve been taking practice tests and my scores aren’t telling me I’m doing so great. Usually the wrong answers outnumber the correct ones.  It’s discouraging.  Natalie sees the real me.

Today has been a very encouraging birthday for me.   Ephesians 4:29, out of The Message reads, “Watch the way you talk. Let nothing foul or dirty come out of your mouth. Say only what helps, each word a gift.”  Something as simple as, “happy birthday” and the volume in which I received them today were special gifts to me.  Text, calls, and Facebook have encouraged me immensely.  They have been a great help.  Those two words let me know someone was thinking about me.  Thank you for taking the time to type/text/say two words.  Those two words spoke volumes of encouragement and affirmation into my life.  Today, I felt incredibly more loved, outrageously more special, and indescribably more humbled.  You may have thought you were just wishing me a happy birthday, but in actuality, you were breathing hope.  Hands down, the best birthday ever.

Thank you.