It's not what I have[.] It's what I have to give. A blog about resources--gaining, giving, and sharing.

25 November 2011

Worship: More than Church Karaoke – pt.2

12:01 AM Posted by steve flores 1 comment
[Part One]
Early in summer of 1995, I finally had enough with my hypocrisy. It was time for me to follow-though on something I felt so strongly about when I was at that conference with my father. I filled out the application, applied for a student loan, and was accepted to attend Southwestern Assembly of God University, but before I left for college, two of my high school friends and I decided to take a “before-you-become-a-preacher” trip to a lake in Austin, TX. I don’t want to glorify the idiotic things I did by describing it, but I nearly drowned on that trip. In the middle of a cove, I found myself out of breath, afraid, and trying to end life by sucking in water. I was miserably tired and sorrowful of how I lived my life for God. Actually, I was tired of how I lived my life for me, pretending to be living for God. Trying to keep my head above water, I wondered, “God, where are You?” Soon after, I openly and honestly confessed all to God. I became real. Even though, God knew where I was (not present circumstances; more in the philosophical sense), I quit hiding. My daughter, Dassah, likes to hide from me. In her room are long green drapes that don’t fall all the way to the ground. Often, Dassah will hide behind them, but they only cover her face and part of her shoulders. Because she cannot see me, she thinks I cannot see her. Similar to Dassah, my whole worship performance never once fooled God. He saw right through it.

In desperation, I cried out, “Lord, I’m sorry! I don’t want to live like this anymore! Please let me live to serve You the right way. I’m Yours!” I meant every word of that prayer and then something miraculous happened. I suddenly had the determination to live. This time, as I flailed my arms around, I began moving forward. Completely exhausted, I threw myself onto the embankment of that cove and laid upon my back, my chest heaving and my eyes looking into the sky. I could feel every breath. It felt as if I could hear my heart beating. The blues and hues of the sky seemed more vibrant than ever. Without any church music playing, dimmed lighting, or soft music playing in the background for ambiance, I had the most moving worship experience of my life. Faintly, yet completely sincere, I whispered these words to God, “You have me. I am Yours.”

I want to introduce you to a concept I have never heard before. Have you ever wondered this: Do I truly worship God genuinely, whole-heartedly? If worship is merely an activity of the church, in the church, and doesn’t move us to surrender, then I wonder….