steverayflores.com

Better not Bitter

2012-01-20T02:39:00.000-06:00

I wrote this post for a friend of mine, Chris, who had an idea to create a Facebook page about Love & Relationships. Chris, great idea! I want to share a little encouragement with the group. This was heavy on my heart, so I sat down and began typing. As I type this, it is 2:12AM.

"It is important to note that societalneed and crisis often give rise to creativity and ingenuity among people. Humanstrengths flourish, individually and collectively, when necessary for thegreater good. Times of distress can bring out the best in people. Need is oftenthe precursor to invention, with people finding new and ingenious ways to rallywhen called upon. ‘A severely adverse event can serve as a wake-up call…signalingthat it is time to make significant changes.’ People often benefit fromadversity because they are forced to reevaluate their beliefs about the worldand human potential.” (Macro Social Work Practice by Long, Tice, &Morrison)

In Soul Print by Mark Batterson, he simplystated it this way, “Alfred Adler believed that perceived disadvantages oftenprove to be disguised advantages because they force us to develop attitudes andabilities that would have otherwise gone undiscovered. Adler concludedthat perceived disadvantages can be springboards to success. And thatsuccess is not achieved in spite of thoseperceived disadvantages. It’s achieved becauseof them.”

The story of BethanyHamilton is moving. You may have heard of the movie made about her, SoulSurfer. On October 31, 2003, Bethany Hamilton went for amorning surf along Tunnels Beach, Kauai with her friend Alana Blanchard andAlana’s father and brother. Around 7:30 a.m., Bethany was lying sidewayson her surfboard with her left arm dangling in the water when suddenly a14 ft tiger shark attacked her, ripping her left arm off just below theshoulder. The story is gut-wrenching. She had so much promise, so muchpotential, and so many dreams of becoming a professional surfer. She may havelost her left arm, but not her passion. One of the most powerful quotes I haveever read is Bethany’s perspective shift when facing adversity, “I couldnever have embraced this many people with two arms.” Bethany understandssomething profound about her negative experience—it, and her life, can still beused to make a positive impact.

Why do I share this? Hurt has a way ofdefining us. It can make an individual bitter or better. I hope it is thelatter. Use adversity as a springboard to reinvent yourself. See through the disguiseof disadvantages leverage them for greater success. If you have been hurt by a relationship,mourn the loss of it and move forward. The relationship might have died, butyou have not. You still have purpose. Let us be better not bitter.

I created a blog post on how Experiences Affect Identity. I’d be honoredif you read it.

If you are on Twitter, I’d love toconnect with you there. Follow me @steverayflores

My wife and I have also created aparenting site: www.messyrearing.comI’d love to have your feedback.

Comparing Tobacco and Pornography

2012-01-03T09:47:00.001-06:00

A while back, while researching towrite about the effects of pornography in my Human Behavior course I found avery intriguing article about the debate of morality as it concernspornography. Without a doubt, in the words of clinical psychologist Al Cooper, theInternet has made pornography more accessible, more affordable, and hasprovided anonymity. That combination is a breeding ground for rampant consumption,yet many researchers and consumers push back against any regulation. Are thereeffects to pornography consumption?

See the correlation between thetobacco debates of years ago to the porn debates of today:

http://www.hoover.org/publications/policy-review/article/5518

Worship: More than Church Karaoke – pt.7

2011-12-05T04:50:00.000-06:00

[PartOne]; [PartTwo]; [PartThree]; [PartFour]; [Part Five];[PartSix]

I nearlylost my life, physically, but that day, I did die. I died to old ways, oldhabits, that I had made a way of life. I died to the inauthentic, disingenuous,fake person I had become. I was ready to surrender and I did. I wish I couldtell you I was perfect after that, but I was not. I am not. I believe we willfind ourselves surrendering often, daily. As a matter of fact, Luke’s accountof the verse in Matthew throws in the word “daily” - let him deny himself and take uphis cross [daily] and follow me. If weneglect to surrender, then worship becomes church karaoke. It becomes aperformance, a Saturday, Sunday, Wednesday, or whenever else you choose toinvite God into your time. “Hey God, come here. I’m performing for you! Aren’tyou proud of this? Doesn’t this look good? You see, I haven’t lost my touch! Imay not be as close as I need to be, but I’m not that bad. Right, God?”

I don’tknow what that performance might look like. It might be those things Imentioned in the last post, making righteous things traditions; it is justgoing through the motions. Like I see Dassah hiding behind her curtain (post two,end of first paragraph), God sees us and Isaiah says those righteous deedsbecome nothing more than filthy rags before God. “All of us have become like one whois unclean, and all our righteous acts are like filthy rags…” –Isaiah 64:6(New International Version)

To helpyou understand the foolishness of church karaoke and to discover how this looksto God when we do it, we have to go the book of Leviticus to grasp the imageryof Isaiah’s comment and Jesus’ quote. It is very descriptive. When Isaiah usesthe term filthy rags, theliteral translation is a menstrual rag (Leviticus 15:33). Yes, you read thatcorrectly. Disgusting, I know, but what is eye-opening is shifting perspectiveto what God sees. When we try to impress God with our righteous deeds inworship, it is like we are waving a menstrual rag (or modernday equivalent) around! It is foolish. It is empty. It is hollow. What wethink looks beautiful, God sees a filthy rag! This is why worship is much morethan a performance, much more than church karaoke, because it is not asimpressive as we think it might be to God.

Remember,here is what Jesus said, “Isaiahwas right when he spoke about you hypocrites. He wrote, ‘These people showhonor to me with words, but their hearts are far from me. Their worship of meis worthless.’” –Mark 7:6-7(New Century Version) Let’s put down the karaoke mic and begin to lay down ourlife.

Worship: More than Church Karaoke – pt.6

2011-12-03T00:01:00.000-06:00

[Part One]; [Part Two]; [Part Three]; [Part Four]; [Part Five]
I know we talk about God being our friend, and God is, but sometimes we forgetthat God is holy. I think we swing too far to the friend side that we forgetabout the holy side of God. God should be respected. God is on that level and I am on this level. There has to be an act of submission to God, because as much as we would like to act like God, we cannot.We are not God. We are not holy; God is. When we fully embrace that, then I believe it affects how we approach [worship] God. The Bibleconsistently talks about “the fear of God”. Sometimes it means actual fear, othertimes it means a reverent awe. Either way, we can actually meet with God. You and I can actually meet with a HOLY God. This is the way we should approachGod, not with a list of demands like we control God, but with a heart ofhumility, because we are allowed in God’s presence. Worship is more than church karaoke: God is great, I am not.

Ittook me nearly losing my life to discover that God is great and I am not. To discoverthat truth, I needed to surrender. Maybe that is the key. In that moment, struggling in the cove, I realized that I could not do anything to change my situation. Iwas doing all I could and nothing seemed to help. I needed to surrender,because I am not as great as I think I am. I needed to stop thinking that whatI was doing (pre-drowning) was fooling God, because it wasn’t. I could attend allthe services my church offered, I could listen to only KLove, I could surroundmyself with godly friends, I could even read the Bible devoutly, and give inofferings, but somehow those good, godly, things became traditions. My heart was not intent on surrender, just on appeasing my guilt. Andin the words of Jesus, my worship became useless.

Ibelieve something needs to happen insideyou and me that changes our heart and creates a desire to lose our life inorder to save it. Jesus tells His disciples, “If anyone would come after me, let him deny himself and take up hiscross and follow me. For whoeverwould save his life will lose it, but whoever loses his life for my sake willfind it.”–Matthew 16:24-25 (English Standard Version) That is surrender. That isworship.

Inearly lost my life, physically, but that day, I did die….

Worship: More than Church Karaoke – pt.5

2011-12-01T00:01:00.000-06:00

[Part One]; [Part Two]; [Part Three]; [Part Four]

Whenwe fully grasp the concept that worship is about surrender, then we become morefocused on serving God rather than being served by God. We also understand thattraditions—doing good things to manipulate or prove that we are closer than wereally are—are noticed by Jesus. Theproblem is they are not applauded;they are rebuked.

Idon’t know how the disciples reacted when Jesus was confronted by the Phariseesbecause of their poor hygiene for hand washing (Mark 7:1-5). For some reason Ihave a mental image of them eating chicken out of a bucket, Kentucky FriedChicken style (I know it is not biblically accurate). I see them pulling thedrumstick down from their mouth, grease streaks on their face, chicken gristle intheir beard, and with their greasy thumb motioning toward Jesus, they mumble,“I’m following Him.” What they were doing might not have appeared appropriate, but they were justsurrendering and they were right in doing so. Worship is more than church karaoke: it’s about surrender. And when we learn to surrender, then worshipbecomes a lifestyle. That’s the goal.

"He is the Godwho made the world and everything in it. Since he is Lord of heaven and earth,he doesn't live in man-made temples; and human hands can't serve his needs—forhe has no needs. He himself gives life and breath to everything, and hesatisfies every need there is. From one man he created all the nationsthroughout the whole earth. He decided beforehand which should rise and falland he determined their boundaries. "His purpose in all of this was thatthe nations should seek after God and perhaps feel their way toward him andfind him—though he is not far from any one of us. For in him we live and moveand exist. –Acts17:24-28 (New Living Translation)

Thisis a big God, who created the whole world and everything in it. Wouldn't be sillyto invite God into His own home? It doesn’t make sense. We are invited into God’s home and I’m not saying this as a pointof fear, but for awe. We get to meet with God! The God who cannot becontained in a building! When Jesus taught us how to pray to this God, Heintegrated surrender into that prayer. Sowhen you pray, you should pray like this: 'Our Father in heaven, may your name always be kept holy. May yourkingdom come and what you want be done, here on earth as it is in heaven. –Matthew6:9-13 (New Century Version)

Iknow we talk about God being our friend, and He is, but sometimes we forget…

Worship: More than Church Karaoke – pt.4

2011-11-29T00:01:00.000-06:00

[Part One]; [Part Two]; [Part Three]

ThePharisees were avid students of the Old Testament, so they had to have knownwhat passage Jesus was quoting from. For us to fully comprehend the context ofJesus’ quote here is the passage in Isaiah: TheLord says: “These people worship me with their mouths, and honor me with theirlips, but their hearts are far from me. Their worship is based on nothing buthuman rules. So I will continue to amaze these people by doing more and moremiracles. Their wise men will lose their wisdom; their wise men will not beable to understand.” How terrible it will be for those who try to hide thingsfrom the Lord and who do their work in darkness. They think no one will seethem or know what they do. –Isaiah 29:13-15 (New Century Version)

Tothe Pharisees, to you and me, Jesus says, “You don’t think I see whatyou’re doing? You don’t think I am aware that you are trying to look like aworshiper? Your worship is nothing more than just a show. I see right through it." In other words, "It is church karaoke!" And, that’s heavy. If we allow that sink in, it shouldaffect us and cause us to make a shift. Worshipis more than church karaoke: it’s about surrender. When we fully grasp thatworship is about surrender, then worship breaks out of the four walls of churchand it becomes more than just following traditions to “welcome” His presence.Side note: Have you ever thought about that saying before? “Let’s welcomethe presence of the Lord,” or “Let’s invitethe presence of the Lord,” or “God we need you to show up.” Those are strange terms for an Omnipresent God, who isalready here, has been here, and will always be here. I feel like God would becompletely justified to say, “Hey Steve, I invited you here. This whole,inviting me to the world I created is silly!”

Jesusunderstood surrender when he fell on his face and prayed in the garden at Gethsemane,Matthew 26:39, “My Father, if it bepossible, let this cup pass from me; nevertheless, not as I will, but as youwill.” Jesus had an idea, butultimately knew it was God’s choice and he would choose to follow.

AfterJesus walked off the mountain, where he gave the infamous Sermon on the Mount, aleper displayed surrender when he approached Jesus and asked, Matthew 8:2-3, “Lord, ifyou will, you can make me clean.” And Jesus stretched out his hand and touched him, saying, “I will; be clean.” I’m sure theleper wanted Jesus to heal him, but what the leper didn't say was, “You better do this.” He said,“….if you will.”

Twoiconic words are spoken by Jesus in the Gospels as he approached would-bedisciples, “Follow me.” The disciplesfollowed, embraced surrender, and in the process discovered worship as alifestyle.

SometimesI wonder if we, Christians, fully understand the act of surrender. I don’t knowif we do, because sometimes we get really demanding of God – “Do this,” “showup,” “move here,” “make this happen,” “Oh, and [raise hand in worship] I loveyou Jesus.” I know we would never admit this, but our prayers often communicateit: “God, give me…help me…show me…hear me… In other words, “God, meet my demandsand pay attention to me. Isn’t that what You are here for anyway?”

Worship: More than Church Karaoke – pt.3

2011-11-27T00:01:00.000-06:00

[Part One]; [Part Two]

I want to introduce you to a concept I have never heard before. Have you everwondered this: Do I truly worship God genuinely, whole-heartedly? If worship ismerely an activity of the church, in the church, and does not move us tosurrender, then I wonder if we are just engaged in church karaoke when wesing worship songs. Think aboutit. The band begins, our favorite song is played, the screen illuminates withlyrics, and we sing a song passionately; you might even raise a hand or two. Ifthat is the case, then could we be giving a subpar performance meeting a weekly“worship” requirement? At the end of service, we might say farewell to ourfellow pew-buddies, “See you next week for some more church karaoke.” Withoutsurrender, would that be what church worship becomes? I used to live that way; Iwas a church-karaoke professional. But,I believe the two sentences I whispered to God, “You have me. I am Yours.” were the most passionate display ofworship I had ever given. At that moment, I understood worship was about completelysurrendering. God didn’t want partof me all of the time. God wanted all ofme, all of the time.

InMark 7:6-7, Jesus quoted a passage from Isaiah. Jesus and his disciples wereconfronted by the Pharisees for not washing their hands before eating—they werebreaking a tradition. Paraphrasing, the Pharisees angrily accosted Jesus,saying, “Why don’t your disciples wash their hands, like everyone else? Theyare making their food unclean!” ThePharisees were notorious for pointing out wrongs in other people and their maingoal was to discredit Jesus. Here’s Jesus’ response: Isaiah was right when he spoke about you hypocrites. He wrote, ‘Thesepeople show honor to me with words, but their hearts are far from me. Their worship of me is worthless.’” –Mark7:6-7 (New Century Version)

ThePharisees were avid students of the Old Testament, so they had to have knownwhat passage Jesus was quoting from. For us to fully comprehend the context ofJesus’ quote here is the passage in Isaiah…

A Glimpse into Who I Am

2011-11-25T23:31:00.001-06:00

In an assignment for graduate work, I was asked how life experiences contributed to my professional interests of being a social worker. What follows is part of this assignment, a glimpse into who I am. I wanted to share it...raw, gritty, transparent...me.

One ofthe most significant life experiences that affected my life was sexual abuse, interchangeablynegative and positive. That experience has created an intense desire to helppeople heal and find resolution from deep hurt. Throughout the ten years ofsilence, I was forced to look inward, to face adversity, to overcome ashattered sense of self-worth, and, negatively, to pretend to be someone I wasnot, whole. Repressing feelings of hurt and betrayal, I learned how to beinauthentic. I learned how to numb my feelings as a defensive mechanism and asa result discovered how difficult it was to compartmentalize hurt to a singleindividual. While grieving the loss of adolescence, I gained a desire to beinside the head of my abuser—what made him do what he did to me? I learned to grieve for him, not just be angry at him. Early in life, I knew Iwanted to help all people—abused andabuser. I now understand both are victims.

Much ofmy secondary education is blocked out, possibly a result of blocking out thememories of sexual abuse. Secondary education memories are sporadic andincomplete, yet college played an integral role of healing from pain. Hiddenpain and secrets were confronted with new experiences and friendships whomodeled sharing intimate details of life’s most difficult struggles. Friends andacquaintances shared them so freely, without regard for how I might view themin light of their confessions. For the first time, I discovered I might be broken.Psychology courses, and lectures, invaded the hidden places in my life causingme to evaluate whether my behavioral responses were a result of healing orhurt. College is special to me, because I confessed my abuse to a Psychologyprofessor for the first time; I asked for help and she listened. Fashionedafter my college experiences, I want to provide what that professor providedfor me, what friends modeled for me, an outlet to release hurt and a desire tobe authentic, albeit imperfect.

Sexual abuseaffected my worth and value, negatively, until I turned sixteen years old. Mosttimes, I used work as the source ofaffirmation, to prove I was worth something. I have never been an average worker.After college graduation, my employment at First Assembly of God in NorthLittle Rock, AR really helped me develop. I have never been pushed more toexplore true potential and purpose, probably because I never thought I had any.I was given space to fail, something I never felt I had either. I associatedfailure with the feelings of abuse and learned to forsake risk for the comfortof familiar. The space to fail opened up a whole new aspect of life that I amstill learning. First Assembly has helped define what exactly was lost duringadolescence: the integrity of a leader. I have come to understand this: Integrity takes years to build, yet in a moment can bereduced to rubble and create havoc for those who have chosen to follow. Thislesson is close to my heart as a pastor.

Beforesexual abuse modified my perspective, a deep sense of religious upbringingpermeated my outlook on life and people. Jesus, of the Bible, has given mecontext to see the worth and value in allpeople. Every person has value, abused or the abuser, the easy-to-work-with orthe not-so-easy-to-work-with, the victim or the victor, the like-minded or the different-minded,and so on (Matthew 5: 3-12; 44-48, English Standard Version). My life’s purposeis not as complicated as I make it out to be; it is about investing in otherpeople (Matthew 5:13-14, English Standard Version). Helping others will cost mesomething, because everything I have is a resource to be given away—time,money, words, energy, material possession, the ability to listen, and so on(Luke 18:22; Matthew 6:19-34; Matthew 8:19-22, English Standard Version). Saying “I care” is not as important as showing“I care” (Matthew 25:35-36, English Standard Version). Success should not,always, be quantified by outcome, office size, the house I live in, the car Idrive or a paycheck, but in obedience and doing what is right (Matthew 6:1-3,English Standard Version).

Each ofthese life experiences influence, compel, me to help others. Throughoutcollege, I have tried to narrow down the specific direction my life shouldjourney. I have prided myself in being adaptable and being adjustable; afunction of being a middle-child, past sexual abuse, various work environments,and an eclectic array of people I have encountered throughout my lifetime. Thelast five years have opened my eyes to a whole new world of addictivebehaviors, namely Internet pornography. I have encountered people who feeltrapped and see a great need ahead ofme, yet I do not feel narrowly focused to specifically help them. Maybegraduate studies will help refine focus or maybe this is just who I am—generalin my approach, open in my heart, with arms open wide enough to embrace hurt,pain, and dysfunction.

Worship: More than Church Karaoke – pt.2

2011-11-25T00:01:00.000-06:00

[Part One]

Earlyin summer of 1995, I finally had enough with my hypocrisy. It was time for meto follow-though on something I felt so strongly about when I was at thatconference with my father. I filled out the application, applied for a studentloan, and was accepted to attend Southwestern Assembly of God University, but beforeI left for college, two of my high school friends and I decided to take a“before-you-become-a-preacher” trip to a lake in Austin, TX. I don’t want toglorify the idiotic things I did by describing it, but I nearly drowned on thattrip. In the middle of a cove, I found myself out of breath, afraid, and tryingto end life by sucking in water. I was miserably tired and sorrowful of how Ilived my life for God. Actually, I was tired of how I lived my life for me,pretending to be living for God. Trying to keep my head above water, I wondered,“God, where are You?” Soon after, I openly and honestly confessed all to God. I became real. Even though,God knew where I was (not present circumstances; more in the philosophicalsense), I quit hiding. My daughter, Dassah, likes to hide from me. In her roomare long green drapes that don’t fall all the way to the ground. Often, Dassah willhide behind them, but they only cover her face and part of her shoulders.Because she cannot see me, she thinks I cannot see her. Similar to Dassah, mywhole worship performance never once fooled God. He saw right through it.

Indesperation, I cried out, “Lord, I’msorry! I don’t want to live like this anymore! Please let me live to serve Youthe right way. I’m Yours!” I meant every word of that prayer and thensomething miraculous happened. I suddenly had the determination to live. Thistime, as I flailed my arms around, I began moving forward. Completelyexhausted, I threw myself onto the embankment of that cove and laid upon my back, my chest heaving and my eyes looking into the sky. I could feel every breath. It felt as if I couldhear my heart beating. The blues and hues of the sky seemed more vibrant thanever. Without any church music playing, dimmed lighting, or soft music playingin the background for ambiance, I had the most moving worship experience of mylife. Faintly, yet completely sincere, I whispered these words to God, “You have me. I am Yours.”

Iwant to introduce you to a concept I have never heard before. Have you everwondered this: Do I truly worship God genuinely, whole-heartedly? If worship ismerely an activity of the church, in the church, and doesn’t move us tosurrender, then I wonder….

Worship: More than Church Karaoke – pt.1

2011-11-23T00:01:00.000-06:00

Iwas raised in church, practically all my life. There was probably a year or twowhen my family didn’t attend, but for the most part, we (my mom, and my two otherbrothers) were in church. My father later joined us, 13 to14 years later, andbecame a pastor. As a teenager, I began to question a lot of my spiritualupbringing and also practiced a lot of unhealthy behaviors. Around 16-yearsold, I began leading worship for my father; it was a crazy time. I lived one wayat school (more like Steve, less like Christ) then got my act together to leadworship. I was the poster-child for “hypocrite”. Good intentioned compliments ofhow anointed worship felt, or how they were moved in worship, became pervertedin mind. I thought worship was about me and their compliments served as proof thatI was appearing close to God. The “closeness with God” facade seemed toconvince people, yet I began feeling empty, guilty, and like a cheat. I was notreal. Then, in 1994, I went to a conference with my father and was convictedabout what I had been doing. I knew I needed to change, so I thought, “I knowwhat I need to do. I need to go to Bible College to get this following Jesus thingfigured out.” I was ready to make a change and stop living life as a fake.

WhenI returned home, I shared my new-found faith and experience with a girlfriend.She was not as excited as I was. I was crushed. The most exciting experience inmy life quickly became a painful one. Immediately, I came to my parent’s houseand cried. Looking back, I laugh at how I reacted, but in the moment it washeart-shattering. My parents knew I had decided to go to Bible College, so whenI said, “I’m going to take a year off after high school and then think aboutgoing to school,” they were consoling, but obviously confused. It didn’t takelong for me to return to the same unhealthy patterns; it was comfortable,common, and a coping mechanism for my hurt. I continued leading worship and I becameconflicted. With my life, I communicated this to God: “God, you can have part of me all of the time.” I knew itwasn’t right, but I continued to do it anyway and decided to call it worship.

Earlyin summer of 1995, I finally had enough with my hypocrisy….

Words. Swords. Healing.

2011-11-11T13:56:00.003-06:00

“Reckless words pierce like a sword, but the tongue of the wise brings healing.”

-Proverbs 12:18 (NLT)

I am a horrible joke teller. Inevitably, I will forget the punch line, giggle before the end, or end it with, “you just had to be there.” “You just had to be there” is the kiss of death for any joke. It’s like pulling the parachute cord after jumping out of a plane, instantly discovering the chute doesn’t open, or worse, the plane you jumped out of was the plastic toy amusement ride outside of Walmart. It is embarrassing. But, typing jokes are different….maybe.

What goes VROOM, Screech, VROOM, Screech, VROOM, Screech?

A blonde going through a flashing red light.

What do you call a good-looking man with a brunette?

A hostage.

You might be a red-neck if…

You walk your kid to school because you are in the same grade.

If a Mexican and an African American are in a car, who is driving?

The cop

Yo momma’s so cross-eyed she can sit on the front porch and count the kids in the backyard

None of those jokes are serious and I hope you don’t think worse of me for them. I found them online; I didn’t create them. Either way, they are not nice. If you are the joke-teller and the recipient is offended, the tendency is to say, “It’s just a joke! Lighten up!” But, even in jest, words can pierce a heart, or crush a spirit. And, words may not be phrased in a joke, but possibly in protest – for a personal agenda, a political agenda, even worse, a religious agenda. I’ve heard this saying, “Opinions are like armpits. Everybody has one.” To that saying I’ll add, “And some people don’t use deodorant. It stinks!” (Unless of course you are Matthew McConaughey, as I overheard women talking about how he smells good and doesn’t wear deodorant.) We really need to work on our approach, before we just wave words around around recklessly. They could wound people.

Keep your sword in your sheath. Focus on healing, not wounding.

Life Lesson - 2011

2011-09-13T15:29:00.004-05:00

My pastor, Rod Loy, gave me, the other pastors on our team, and other key leaders of our church the task of discovering our greatest life lesson to share with our church. Thinking of ONE lesson over a lifetime is pretty challenging. Try it. Discovering the one lesson over my lifetime came to me quicker than I thought. I decided to share the journey my wife and I have been on for the last couple of years. I believe the purpose, the passion, and the desire to discover Jesus in the last two years of our lives has been THE most significant lesson of my life. The direction in which my blog took over the last couple years has been a reflection of that lesson.

Excuse my dry throat spell during the video. Also, be aware, the video is 50 minutes long. Thanks to so many of you who have supported and subscribed to my blog. Let’s inspire others to follow Jesus.

Let’s grow, together,
Steve

To view the message, click here. Then, click on my name. Feel free to listen to others also - challenging stuff.

A Break of Sorts

2011-08-26T13:46:00.002-05:00

First, thank you for following my blog. I try to be short and concise, to value your time, but I also strive to inspire. And, do my best to follow Matthew 28:19. I pray you make it a priority to do the same, in whatever voice or means possible. I am going to take a break on blog writing, really all creative writing for a while. I will not be as consistent as I would like. There are a few new adventures that are beckoning and that will require loads of my time. I hope to write one blog a month, but "hope" seems like a HUGE word to me right now. If you desire to read a blog-post when I update, then subscribe to the right of this paragraph.

Again, thank you for your support, your kind words, your input, and your affirmation on this writing journey. I sincerely hope to join the ranks of the blogosphere with greater purpose, passion, and intentionality.

And now, the reason for my inconsistency...

I am enrolled to complete a Master's in Social Work in three years. Although, I am very excited about it, it will be an undertaking. I just finished up my first week and it was overwhelming! I’ve heard of how busy Master’s work is, but never thought about how much creative time this journey is going to cost me. If it was just about accomplishing tasks, then I can do that, but this is tons of research, writing, reading, group projects, more research, and more reading. In a span of 10 hours, within two days, I pretty much read a 200 page book! And that was just to be ready for one class, next week. I’ve received the syllabi and both classes are pretty intensive. I’ve had to restructure my life for the year, especially this semester, to accomplish what needs to be accomplished. What makes matters heavier is that I am on academic probation, because of low GRE scores and GPA scores. If I fall lower than 3.0 GPA for the year, I’m out. No questions asked. Nothing lower than probation status. I was also planning on running a half-marathon in October and have been training for it, but, after talking with a professor who is a runner, she advised that it wasn’t a good idea – bummed about that. After evaluating the course load, the only creative writing time I will have to allot is for Metro (inner city church I co-lead) weekly sermons.

This journey, along with other factors, will teach me and my family to sacrifice. We're a little excited and nervous about it. We would appreciate your prayers. I hope to be back blogging soon. Although, I will be writing, pretty extensively, it will not be the kind of writing I will like, nor will you want to read. Academia writing....blah!

WORDS Affect Identity – pt. 9

2011-08-19T00:01:00.006-05:00

Post 9 of 9

David killed Goliath. And everything David promised would happen, (1Sam. 17:50-51) happened. That day, David became a hero and God was recognized as the One who gave David the strength to do it. No one believed David could do what he just did, except God. No one believed in David, except God. God saw the potential to be the King of Israel, while others saw a useless kid. Maybe you feel useless or have been told you are useless, that’s okay, because David was made to feel that way too. He listened to the words of God and I’m sure used the negative words of others as incentive to rise above them. He proved to those who spoke negatively about him that God ultimately shaped his identity.

And, actually, there was one person who saw David the way God did. Before David ever faced Goliath, one of Saul’s servants noticed David’s true identity. 1 Samuel 16:18, “One of the servants said, "I have seen a son of Jesse of Bethlehem play the harp. He is brave and courageous. He is a good speaker and handsome, and the Lord is with him."

The most important part of that scripture, the most important element that created a healthy identity in David was “the Lord was with him”. If you want a healthy identity, one that will stand strong against the negative voices you will face in your lifetime, then you need the Lord with you. A healthy identity is shaped when God is with you.

WORDS Affect Identity – pt. 8

2011-08-18T00:01:00.003-05:00

Post 8 of 9

What did David do when he was disdained by Goliath’s words? He did something incredibly powerful! 1 Samuel 17:45-47, “But David said to him, "You come to me using a sword and two spears [spoke reality]. But I come to you in the name of the Lord All-Powerful, the God of the armies of Israel! You have spoken against him. Today the Lord will hand you over to me, and I'll kill you and cut off your head. Today I'll feed the bodies of the Philistine soldiers to the birds of the air and the wild animals. Then all the world will know there is a God in Israel! Everyone gathered here will know the Lord does not need swords or spears to save people. The battle belongs to him, and he will hand you over to us."

Can you imagine that moment? People in the crowd must have had two reactions:

1. Who does this foolish little kid think he is?!

2. Are you kidding me?! Did he just say that?! That dude is crazy!

I’d like to think people had the second reaction. Goliath’s words showed the Israelite army’s identity, cowards. The whole Israelite army ran away and hid in tents—intimidated by Goliath words. Goliath’s words showed David’s identity, courageous. Not only did David stand up, against Goliath’s words, but he had a comeback! Goliath’s words had the opposite effect on David.

The battle for a healthy identity is not yours to fight; it is God’s. When people try to cut you down, make you feel insignificant, or worthless, they are actually picking a fight with your Creator. This is what happens when someone picks a fight with you or your brother and Mama finds out, “Not my baby! Who’s messing with you, baby?!” Mama isn’t having any of it! Picking a fight with one of her children is like picking a fight with Mama. Am I right?

God places a healthy identity in every one of us. We distort it by seeking approval from other things or other people. But, when people bad-mouth you and make you feel stupid, they are picking a fight with the Creator, God. That is a fight they will never win, like the fight Goliath lost.

WORDS Affect Identity – pt. 7

2011-08-17T00:01:00.002-05:00

Post 7 of 9

David can’t seem to catch a break with encouraging words! How would you like to live in his shoes? We lie to ourselves when we say that words do not hurt us, or at least discourage us, because they do. And, David had his fair share of discouragement from the words of all types of people. It seemed no one believed in him! Then again, we don’t expect an enemy to believe in us. I don’t think David expected Goliath to believe in him, especially since Goliath had been walking out to bad-mouth people every day. But, don’t you think it had to sting a little when Goliath wasn’t even intimidated? Especially to be told that “your flesh will be given to birds and beasts”?

Imagine. You are ready to defeat a giant. You have prayed and prepared your heart for battle. You are nervous, but you are ready. Then, you stand up and face the giant. The giant takes one look at you and says, “Really?! This is all you’ve got?!” That’s definitely not a confidence booster. I want you to get this picture in your head: David is standing there with a stick, a slingshot, and some stones in his bag—nothing else. Yet, Goliath’s words do not shake David’s identity. That’s courage, borderline stupidity.

I wonder if David thought, “Are you kidding me?! You, too?!” This has to be getting old for David and maybe for you, too. Don’t allow the words of enemies (bullies) to affect your identity in a negative way. I don’t know why people feel like it’s their life’s mission to speak negative words to us, but they do. I have them, too. It’s easier to say than it is to do, but don’t allow the words of enemies (bullies) to affect your identity in a negative way.

There are countless stories of people who are bullied as a kid reaching a breaking point. That breaking point might look different, but it’s meant to call attention and cease the bullying. It might be putting the bully’s head through a sheet-rock wall, punching the bully in the face until it’s a bloody pulp, or losing it and letting words fly like a sailor. Whatever it looks like, the message is sent loud and clear, “Don’t mess with me anymore!” When the breaking point is reached, the bullied may learn, though faulty, the tactic worked – it breeds fear and intimidation. Suddenly, the powerless seems powerful and could become a comfortable way of protecting against hurt.

I’ve seen it and talked to people who have experienced it. Intimidation and fear are ways of gaining respect. As an adult, the bullied is now defined as a mean, non-intimate tough person. A negative situation as a kid may shape the identity of the bullied to disconnect and become less trusting. The attitude that may develop from the words of bullies (enemies) could negatively shape an identity and possibly undermine life. David could have turned out this way too, but he didn’t. He didn’t allow the words of enemies (bullies) to affect his identity in a negative way. You don’t have to either! Thirty years later, if you still hold onto words, you might struggle with letting go.

WORDS Affect Identity – pt. 6

2011-08-16T00:01:00.004-05:00

Post 6 of 9

Over the years, I’ve watched students try to gain self-worth from other friends. Students hang onto and long for the words from others to help them feel significant. If this person doesn’t like them, then they change. If that person doesn’t like them, then they change, again. Over time, they forget who they are. Like a woman who dyes her hair color for years and doesn’t remember what her natural color is anymore, students have changed so many times attempting to gain worth from friends, they don’t know who they are. In the process, they end up lost and wonder, “Who am I?” Adults are no different.

It is a tragedy when we get scarred from mistakes, because we tried to gain self-worth from others. It is ironic, too. We wanted someone to accept us and make us feel alive, but when it all comes crashing down, we feel worse about ourselves. And if this describes you, you might have given up way more than you ever wanted to or even imagined you would. You relied on another person’s words to shape your identity in a positive way, but it hasn’t worked. Now, you’re more guarded and less trusting. David’s identity wasn’t defined by what others said about him, if it had been, David would have left as soon as his brother embarrassed him. Our identity needs to be found in the pages of the Bible, from God’s words—from what God says about you. People will never be satisfied with you. Like David, we need to gain a healthy self-worth from God.

Continuing the story, King Saul gave David the go ahead to fight Goliath. I believe David was afraid and nervous, yet excited! What he thought was an insignificant task of bringing food to his brothers, led him to the biggest battle of his life. Literally, David was either going to die or live. If David died, it wasn’t because of the negative words from the people who didn’t believe in him. Actually, David was prepared to give his life for the only one who did believe in him, God. Many of us die to the uniqueness God created way before our last breath escapes us. It happens when we make the acceptance of others priority.

When King Saul suggested David to wear his armor, David took it off and decided to face Goliath with a stick and a slingshot. It must have seemed like David had a death wish. I wonder if David heard the words of God, those same words spoken to him while with sheep, and they gave him confidence, “I believe in you, David.” I wonder if that’s when David decided to please God with the uniqueness of who he is, rather than fight a battle pretending to be someone he is not.

King Saul didn’t believe in David, remember? “You are not able to go against this Philistine to fight with him, for you are but a youth, and he has been a man of war from his youth.” Why would David want his protection? David relied on God’s protection—the only one who saw value in him when no one else did. David’s confidence, his identity, was secure in God. And with that confidence, David stepped out to meet Goliath. 1 Samuel 17:42-44, “And when the Philistine looked and saw David, he disdained him, for he was but a youth, ruddy and handsome in appearance. And the Philistine said to David, “Am I a dog that you come to me with sticks?” And the Philistine cursed David by his gods. The Philistine said to David, “Come to me, and I will give your flesh to the birds of the air and to the beasts of the field.”

WORDS Affect Identity – pt. 5

2011-08-15T00:01:00.003-05:00

Post 5 of 9

David knew there was more to his life than what his brother wanted him to become, so he kept talking. And it’s a good thing he kept talking. 1 Samuel 17:31, “When the words that David spoke were heard, they repeated them before Saul, and he sent for him.”

I haven’t shared this yet, but David played an instrument—the harp. His harp playing abilities landed him a gig in King Saul’s palace, so David was used to being around King Saul, but he’s never had this opportunity before. I am certain this was a pretty big moment for David, as it would be for any other soldier cowering in their tents. This was an opportunity for David to prove himself as more than a hired harp player, but a valuable part of Saul’s team.

In essence David says, “I’m your man. I’ll fight Goliath.”

And what would have discouraged anyone of us, King Saul’s response to David was defeating. 1 Samuel 17:33, “And Saul said to David, ‘You are not able to go against this Philistine to fight with him, for you are but a youth, and he has been a man of war from his youth.”

Yet, it didn’t seem to faze David. David continued to tell King Saul about what has qualified him to battle Goliath and how God would be on his side. King Saul’s words didn’t affect David’s self-worth. David’s confidence came from God. If you seek to gain a healthy self-worth from others, you will be let down. David was let down many times. The words that were spoken to him might have affected us differently than it seemed to affect David. Rather than turning to another, like David did, I might have turned around and gone home. There would have been no meeting with the king for me.

WORDS Affect Identity – pt. 4

2011-08-14T00:01:00.007-05:00

Post 4 of 9

David didn’t even get a “thank you,” for bringing lunch to his brother. David was obeying his dad by bringing his brothers lunch and Eliab became angry at David. Why was Eliab angry? David heard Goliath bad-mouth God’s people and spoke up that he would take on the giant. This is what made Eliab respond this way, “Why have you come down? And with whom have you left those few sheep in the wilderness?” I might have snapped back, “To bring you lunch! And, what are you doing hiding in your tent? I thought you were supposed to be a soldier fighting a battle not hiding in your tent like a little girl!” David can’t be happy with Eliab and, possibly, discouraged from ever doing another good deed for his brothers again!

Eliab was not focused on what David brought; he was focused on what David said. It didn’t sit well with Eliab that David was upstaging him, even though that wasn’t David’s intent. The problem for Eliab was that David was getting attention and he wasn’t. There’s a lesson to learn: There will be people close to you who do not want you to make a positive change—change anyway. When you make positive changes, it exposes other people’s negatives. Sometimes, people want to make positive changes, too. Sometimes, people don’t like it and when they don’t like it, they usually try to discourage you. But, change anyway.

It seemed Eliab didn’t want David to be a soldier like him. He didn’t encourage David to reach for bigger, better things. He discouraged David with his words by embarrassing him in front of his military buddies, reminding him that he was nothing more than a shepherd. Words from family and friends can affect your identity, but, thank God, David didn’t allow his older brother’s negative words to negatively affect him by silencing him. David kept talking. 1 Samuel 17:30, “And David said, “What have I done now? Was it not but a word?” And he turned away from him toward another.”

People might do that to you, too. You have a desire to live right, to follow Jesus, but other people might discourage you. They might say things like, “Christianity is for wimps and the unintelligent.” “I liked the old you better. This new you is not fun anymore.” Depending on how often you hear it and who you hear it from, you may get discouraged. If you allow negative words like that to shape your identity, then you’ll never be who God wants you to become. You will only be who others want you to become. Take a lesson from David and turn away [from the voices] toward another. David knew there was more to his life than what his brother wanted him to become, so he kept talking. And it’s a good thing David kept talking.

WORDS Affect Identity – pt. 3

2011-08-13T00:01:00.003-05:00

Post 3 of 9

Words can affect your identity, yet some people might dismiss or neglect its influence. Some choose to be surrounded by negative words. It is important to surround yourself with words that will affect your identity in a positive way; even the music you listen to affects your identity. Lyrics are written to move you, emotionally, so they are written with the intent to affect you and influence your mood. Example: most likely, you will not listen to yodeling while working out—unless, of course, yodeling pumps you up. Music has an effect on every one of us and lyrics lay the framework. So, you have to ask yourself: Is this creating a desire that will make me do something unhealthy in my relationship with Jesus? Do these lyrics affect my identity in a negative or positive way? Words (lyrics) will affect your identity.

There are some songs I wish I could erase from my memory. Some of those words (lyrics) are attached with horrible memories, because they influenced an identity which caused a lot of heartache for me and others around me. I became what I listened to, mostly because I turned up the volume on songs and turned down the volume on God’s voice.

David, in the Bible, was surrounded by some pretty discouraging voices, too. Unlike music, he didn’t choose to be around these voices—these words. Early on, those negative words were from his family. I believe the negative words spoken to him served as a catalyst to overcome its intent to destroy him and make him feel insignificant. I believe David relied heavily on the positive words from God rather than the words of others, especially from his family.

Remember, David was forgotten, not invited by his own father, when an influential man named Samuel came with the intent on choosing the next king for Israel. David’s dad, Jesse, didn’t think David was good enough, but God saw David’s value, even when his own father didn’t. God spoke to Samuel to ask if there was another son. Samuel asked Jesse and Jesse sent for David who was back home working with sheep. David seemed to be more a bother and an inconvenience than a likely candidate for king. To his father, David was not significant. I believe David’s older brother thought that too. 1 Samuel 17: 28, “Now Eliab his eldest brother heard when he spoke to the men. And Eliab’s anger was kindled against David, and he said, ‘Why have you come down? And with whom have you left those few sheep in the wilderness?’”

WORDS Affect Identity – pt. 2

2011-08-12T00:01:00.004-05:00

Post 2 of 9

When I was a junior higher, I did a lot of those things mentioned in the previous post too, except the pizza slice thing. My parents attended a church with a pretty large youth group and I thought this youth group was the most amazing thing ever. In those days, “youth” was considered 13 years old until after college…or until you got married. With my older brother 4 years older than me, he was part of the youth group and knew a lot of the “cool” people. I would usually find ways to be around him, because I wanted to be noticed. I’m sure it got annoying.

Like most kids that age, I didn’t know how to communicate with older people. Most of the adults would put up with my stupidity, but never gave me their attention. But there was one guy who took a chance; his name is Rudy. I don’t even remember his last name, but he took the time to actually talk to me. There were two words that he spoke that may seem small now, but made a huge impact then in shaping my identity. I believe those two words still impact my life today.

Rudy called me “big man”. Whether I was in the hallway at church, around my 12 year old friends, around my older brother’s friends, or walking in the parking lot with my parents, when Rudy saw me, he’d say, “Hey big man! It’s good to see you.” “Big man,” those words were huge self-esteem boosts, because I didn’t feel like a “big man”. I felt like an awkward, insecure, little boy. I was a scrawny little kid. I was meat and bones with an over-sized noggin. Imagine the stature of a music stand. Got it? That was what I looked like. Inside, I felt the same way, awkward. Growing up, I was a very shy kid and it’s miraculous that I am able to speak from a platform, with a mic in my hand, weekly to students.

Words play a significant role in our identity. The words spoken to us and around us greatly affect our identity. The words we choose to listen to will also affect our identity. When parent’s words constantly tear their children down, rather than build them up, it’s difficult for children to feel secure about their identity. I’ve talked with people whose parents spoke so negatively to them as a kid that, now, as an adult, they still struggle with identity issues. Even in those cases, like I mentioned in an earlier post, God ultimately shapes your identity. In difficult circumstances, when you are surrounded by people you didn’t choose and they tear you down with their words; remember God ultimately shapes your identity.

WORDS Affect Identity – pt. 1

2011-08-11T00:01:00.005-05:00

When I was 12 years old, I’m sure I was annoying. I was very insecure and constantly looking for attention. I know I did wild things to be noticed, because I just wanted to be part of the cool group, part of the popular crowd – of which I was neither. When I became a junior high pastor in 2000, I realized how annoying I must have been when my own junior highers did some of the things I used to do in 1989. When I wasn’t expecting it, a junior higher jumped on my back—piggy-back style. He nearly crushed every one of my vertebrae! I believe I have back problems from those experiences.

One time, a sixth-grade girl who just moved up into student ministry decided to come out to eat with us on a Sunday night after church. This was the night I received the oddest pat on the back in my life and, to make the evening more interesting, I wore my brand new dress shirt. In an effort to be noticed, this young, attention-starved, girl walked up behind me and began patting my back, on the right shoulder blade, with great force. I ignored it, as if to say, “This is not how to get my attention,” until I realized my shirt was sticking to my skin at each pat. To my surprise, I turned around and saw this sixth grade girl with a slice of pizza in her hand and a huge grin on her face! I looked at her in disbelief and asked, frustrated, “What are you doing? What made you do this?”

Innocently, she responded, “I was just trying to get your attention.”

I have been punched in the gut, more times than I can count. I, my car, and my apartment have been written on, too. When I walked into the Sunday School room, a student thought it would be fun to step on a ketchup packet and burst it in my direction. My keys have been stolen, the objects in my office have been hidden, and my phone has rung in the middle of night, multiple times, that when I answered I’ve only heard giggling on the other end. I thought my being bullied days were over. Nope. It’s called being a Junior High Youth Pastor. All these events have happened, because junior high students wanted my attention.

Stories - A Continuation from the Experiences Affect Identity posts

2011-07-28T12:01:00.000-05:00

I mentioned in the series of posts titled, “EXPERIENCES Affect Identity,” that I would send personal stories to email subscribers. I’m currently working on a couple of stories and collecting the remainders. Before I begin emailing, I would like to give you an opportunity to subscribe to this blog by email. Enter email address in the box titled, “Never miss an update. Subscribe to receive by email.” (If you haven't done that, then I don't have your email address on file. Also, if you do subscribe, then expect an automated email asking you to activate your account.) I believe these stories could serve as a source of strength, hope, and courage when you are faced with negative experiences in life. My hope is that they serve as examples, of real people, who have weathered or are weathering some of life’s most difficult challenges.

If you feel like throwing in the towel, because the memory of past experiences is too much to bear, then subscribe.

If you’ve been diagnosed with a terminal illness and it is affecting your ability to live now, then subscribe.

If you’ve lost a loved one, through death, and it was sudden, tragic, and just unfair, then subscribe.

If the pain of the past, and what you’ve done, is not easy to overcome, because of guilt and shame, then subscribe.

If you know of someone who struggles with overcoming their past experiences and need a resource to help them, then subscribe.

I will start with my story of being sexually abused first, with an email on Saturday morning. Then, others will follow.

These stories are not “how to” stories. They are not meant to serve as a trite fix to deep hurt. They are not a call to duplicate someone else’s life. And, please don't think I'm telling you to "get over it," with these stories. Your hurt is real. The pain is real. I understand pain. These are stories. You draw conclusions. You create your own story. I want to help you discover your story. Insignificant or hurtful experiences and hardships now may have incredible and profound significance in the future. You future is now.

EXPERIENCES affect Identity – pt.7

2011-07-24T00:01:00.019-05:00

“Everybody wants to be on the mountaintop, but if you’ll remember, mountaintops are rocky and cold. There is no growth on the top of a mountain. Sure, the view is great, but what’s the view for? A view is just a glimpse of our next destination—our next target. But to hit that target, we must come off the mountain, go through the valley, and begin to climb the next slope. It is in the valley that we slog through the lush grass and rich soil, learning and becoming what enables us to summit life’s next peak.”

–Andy Andrews

[Part One]; [Part Two]; [Part Three]; [Part Four]; [Part Five]; [Part Six]

**This is the final post in the EXPERIENCES series. For members only, I will be emailing the personal stories of friends who have endured very real, gritty, and transparent stories of their negative experiences, soon. I am grateful for their openness and willingness to share with you how God has turned negative experiences into positive ones. Their stories are inspiring. If you are interested in receiving their stories, and are not an email subscriber, then subscribe to receive email updates. Enter email in the box to the top right of my page, titled, "Never miss an update".**

After David ditched Saul’s gear, with a staff in one hand, a slingshot in the other, and five rocks in his bag, he went to battle. It sounds unbelievable, but past experiences, defeating a lion and a bear, taught David this was all he needed. Past experiences gave David the confidence that God would be with him in this battle, too. With that confidence, David ran out to meet Goliath. I imagine David in a full sprint, screaming – part adrenaline, part fear, part confidence. “And David put his hand in his bag and took out a stone and slung it and struck the Philistine on his forehead. The stone sank into his forehead, and he fell on his face to the ground.” (1 Samuel 17:49)

Goliath’s life ended, while David’s life began. Little did David know he was about to perform on the biggest stage of his life, but first he would have to work in a field with sheep, fight off lions and bears, be overlooked by his family, deliver a sack-lunch to his brothers, be ridiculed by his older brother, be told he was too young to battle by King Saul, and be shown that he was too scrawny to wear armor. Each negative experience prepared David for the moment when he would run out to meet Goliath, sling a stone into the air, and kill the giant. Seemingly, insignificant or hurtful experiences and hardships now may have incredible and profound significance in the future.

EXPERIENCES affect Identity – pt.6

2011-07-23T00:01:00.004-05:00

“I saw a man chase a hat that had blown off someone’s head into the street. A car hit him and killed him. I think it’s amazing that a person could lose everything, chasing nothing.” –Andy Andrews

[Part One]; [Part Two]; [Part Three]; [Part Four]; [Part Five]

Repeating the last line from the previous post:

Seeking acceptance from others to bring to life a struggling identity kills the identity you were created for.

This is especially true in our relationship with Jesus. We live our lives in church where someone (a pastor) feeds us scripture and experiences, so we eat and we never create our own experiences. We leave it up to the pastor to create them for us. Maybe, even this blog. There is no personal Bible reading. No desire to surrender to Jesus, to create a real life-change. Our parents or leaders may be passionate about Jesus, so we rely on them to tell us when we are off-track. When facing a battle, we have no stable ground to stand upon and might even question if we ever really believed in Jesus. Why? Because, we were too busy walking around in someone's stuff! We haven't owned it yet. We haven't become familiar with our own experiences. Often times, we desire to trade our negative experiences for someone's positive ones.

You can’t live life through other people’s experiences and identity. You are unique and so are your experiences. Discover them, create them, and learn from them. Although other people are inspiring, unless you do something with what you have, you are merely a dreamer, wishing you had accomplished great things. David knew himself well. He knew he couldn’t use Saul’s stuff, because he wasn’t Saul. The same goes for you. There is only one you and we all need to experience what you have to give. Discover it. I want to experience what you have to give. So, for the sake of all who need to learn from the wisdom of your experiences, including me, discover, create, and learn from them. Use the wisdom of godly leaders, but create your own experiences.

Taken from Soul Print, by Mark Batterson: God created you to be unique. You have forty-six chromosomes. Twenty-three are from your father and twenty-three are from your mother. And it’s the unique combination of chromosomes that determines everything from the color of your eyes to the number of hairs on your head. Your identity is part heredity (family) and part the image of God. The image of God is both your heredity (family) and your identity. Have you ever thought about that? We look like God!

The mathematical probability that you would get the exact twenty-three chromosomes you got from your mother is .5 to the twenty-third power. That’s 1 in 10 million. But the same is true for the twenty three chromosomes you got from your father. So if you multiply those two together, the probability that you would be you is 1 in 100 trillion. But you also have to factor in that your parents’ chromosomal history had the same probability, and their parents, and their parents’ parents. You are so unique that it cannot be calculated! And, thus, so are your experiences.

EXPERIENCES affect Identity – pt.5

2011-07-22T00:01:00.008-05:00

“Our greatest disadvantages may not be what we perceive as our greatest advantages. Our greatest advantages may actually be hidden in our greatest disadvantages, if we learn to leverage them.”

–Mark Batterson

[Part One]; [Part Two]; [Part Three]; [Part Four]

I want to repeat last paragraph from the previous post:

I wonder if David questioned taking care of sheep when he experienced those encounters. I wonder if after the lion attack he thought, “This is insane! I can’t do this job anymore!” Then, a few months later, a bear attack, “No way! I don’t know how much more I can put up with this!” There is no way David would have known, how useful those hardships could become until he stood before King Saul. Hardships now can prepare you for tough times in your future – use them as a resource for strength, not a source for fear.

How difficult is life for you, now? What are the areas that aren’t going well or haven’t gone well? Have you said this, “I don’t know how much more I can put up with this!”? It may not make any sense right now, but God can use those experiences to shape your identity in a positive way. To repeat a point from the previous post: You may not see it now, but your identity can be shaped in a positive way by each and every experience, even the negative ones.

How do I know? Because, God used David’s experiences--a lion and bear attack--to qualify him to fight Goliath. Verses 38-40 described the moment just before the fight, “Saul put his own clothes on David. He put a bronze helmet on his head and dressed him in armor.David put on Saul's sword and tried to walk around, but he was not used to all the armor Saul had put on him. He said to Saul, "I can't go in this, because I'm not used to it." Then David took it all off. He took his stick in his hand and chose five smooth stones from a stream. He put them in his shepherd's bag and grabbed his sling. Then he went to meet the Philistine.” (1 Samuel 17:38-40)

I can’t prove this scripturally, but had David gone out in Saul’s stuff, he might have lost the battle with Goliath. The story might have had a different ending. Or, let’s say David won with King Saul’s stuff. People might have said David won only because he used Saul’s stuff. What makes this story so powerful is not what David had on, but what he didn’t. David didn’t trust Saul’s wisdom; he relied on God’s protection. I have a suggestion. Rather than seeking the advice of others so quickly, maybe you should pray, first. Make prayer the first response, not the last resort. In the end, God received the recognition for protection and David for his bravery, not Saul.

This is such an important point in Scripture as it deals with identity. Too many of us try to be like someone we admire, someone who has a close relationship with God. Too many of us want instant success and want to be noticed, so we copy others hoping we will somehow achieve the same success or be noticed. It’s an attempt to bolster our low self-worth. Our motives are either selfish or we are too lazy to pay the price and gain our own experiences. In the end, we don’t know who we are, because we have spent most of our energy trying to become someone else. Don’t short-circuit God’s plans and purposes by taking shortcuts. Seeking acceptance from others to bring to life a struggling identity kills the identity you were created for.

EXPERIENCES affect Identity – pt.4

2011-07-21T00:01:00.005-05:00

“It’s not our experiences that make or break us.

It’s our interpretation of and explanation for those experiences that ultimately determines who we become. Your explanations are more important than your experiences.”

–Mark Batterson

[Part One]; [Part Two]; [Part Three]

**I've talked with several friends about sharing their personal, negative experiences with my blog subscribers. They have agreed. Along with my story, email subscribers, will receive real life stories of friends who have trusted God to bring triumph from tragic experiences. Their stories are powerful and inspiring. They are sharing with the hope to inspire hope for an identity that may be lost in negative experiences. I am grateful they are willing to share. I will send them, one by one, as an email to my subscriber list after the seventh post. If you are interested in receiving their stories, then subscribe to receive email updates.**

I’ve talked with people who have communicated regret for doing the right things, because things didn’t go as they planned. Here’s what it sounds like, “I don’t understand. I’ve been reading my Bible more, I’ve been praying more than I ever have, and I did everything that I was told to do, but…

· She still left me.

· I still got fired.

· I still failed my test

· God still didn’t heal him

You may not see it now, but your identity can be shaped in a positive way by each and every experience, even the negative ones. David didn’t allow the King’s response to discourage him. David continued,“Your servant used to keep sheep for his father. And when there came a lion, or a bear, and took a lamb from the flock, I went after him and struck him and delivered it out of his mouth. And if he arose against me, I caught him by his beard and struck him and killed him. Your servant has struck down both lions and bears, and this uncircumcised Philistine shall be like one of them, for he has defied the armies of the living God.” And David said, “The Lord who delivered me from the paw of the lion and from the paw of the bear will deliver me from the hand of this Philistine.” (1 Samuel 17:34-37)

I don’t know what your response would be (pre-automatic weapons), but if I were taking care of sheep and a lion or bear attacked one of my sheep, I might not stick around for a battle. I might run, crying, like a scared little girl in a haunted house at Halloween. I don’t feel I would have “went after” the bear or lion without a weapon that I could fire from a safe distance, let alone take a sheep out of the jaws of a lion or bear! In those days, David either would have had a staff, a spear, or a sling-shot, and of course, his bare-hands. That means in a battle with a lion or a bear, David might have felt the heat of that animal’s breath! He would be that close! How dangerous is that job!

I wonder if David questioned taking care of sheep when he experienced those encounters. I wonder if after the lion attack he thought, “This is insane! I can’t do this job anymore!” Then, a few months later, a bear attack, “No way! I don’t know how much more I can put up with this!” There is no way David would have known, how useful those hardships could become until the moment he stood before King Saul. Hardships now can prepare you for tough times in your future – use them as a resource for strength, not a source for fear.

EXPERIENCES Affect Identity – pt.3

2011-07-20T00:01:00.006-05:00

[Part One]; [Part Two]

**I've talked with several friends about sharing their personal, negative experiences with my blog subscribers. They have agreed. Along with my story, email subscribers, will receive real life stories of friends who have trusted God to bring triumph from tragic experiences. Their stories are powerful and inspiring. They are sharing with the hope to inspire hope for an identity that may be lost in negative experiences. I am grateful they are willing to share. I will send them, one by one, as an email to my subscriber list after the seventh post. If you are interested in receiving their stories, then subscribe to receive email updates.**

After David heard Goliath make threats and put-down God’s people, he became angry. David shared, with anyone around, that he would accept the challenge to fight Goliath. When David’s older brother overheard him, he tried to embarrass him. Other people also overheard David, but rather than embarrass him, they reported back to King Saul. King Saul had his people fetch David. All of a sudden, the kid who brought lunch to his brothers found himself standing in front of the king of Israel. If that were you, what would you say? What did David say? And David said to Saul, “Let no man's heart fail because of him. Your servant will go and fight with this Philistine.” And Saul said to David, “You are not able to go against this Philistine to fight with him, for you are but a youth, and he has been a man of war from his youth.” (1 Samuel 17:32-33)

David realized this was his moment, because he had the attention of the king. Yet even in his moment, David was not filled with selfish desires. His intention was not to build his name, to seek fame or notoriety. He didn’t use his moment to bolster a low self-worth, remember, David was angry because of how Goliath treated and talked to the people of God. He was angry because Goliath bad-mouthed the name of God. Unlike many people then and now, David had a pure motive when he approached the king. His intent was to bring recognition to the strength and power of God. Yet, once again, David experienced another let-down. I think this is an important lesson to learn. Pure motives and a pure heart, do not always give you favor – but stay pure.

I believe, some have a misconception that if we’re pure—if we pray a lot, if we tithe, if we attend church (faithfully), if we do all the right things—then every door will open for us. If that is the case, then David shouldn’t have faced opposition with the king, initially. If that is the case, then Jesus should have had a place to lay his head (Matthew 8:20). If that is the case, then many of Jesus’ disciples shouldn’t have lost their lives as martyrs. Along the way, we’ve messed with theology and have equated favor and blessing to prove we have a positive/healthy identity in Christ. I just don’t see it, scripturally. Often times, God uses bad experiences (notice I didn’t say causes) to shape our identities in a positive way. And when things don’t work out like you planned, take a lesson from David’s story – keep your heart and your motives pure.

EXPERIENCES Affect Identity – pt.2

2011-07-19T00:01:00.011-05:00

**I've talked with several friends about sharing their personal, negative experiences with my blog subscribers. They have agreed. Along with my story, email subscribers, will receive real life stories of friends who have trusted God to bring triumph from tragic experiences. Their stories are powerful and inspiring. They are sharing with the hope to inspire hope for an identity that may be lost in negative experiences. I am grateful they are willing to share. I will send them, one by one, as an email to my subscriber list after the seventh post. If you are interested in receiving their stories, then subscribe to receive email updates.**

Before David was anointed king, even before he defeated Goliath—which made him a hero—he was a little runt whose father didn’t believe in. Some of you might feel that way, too. You may feel like no one cares about you or notices your potential, not even your family. It’s ongoing, it’s real, and it’s your life, but it doesn’t have to shape your identity in a negative way. Here’s what David experienced, “And Jesse said to David, his son, ‘Take for your brothers an ephah of this parched grain, and these ten loaves, and carry them quickly to the camp to your brothers. Also take these ten cheeses to the commander of their thousand. See if your brothers are well, and bring some token from them.’” (1 Samuel 17:17-18 - ESV)

David, the newly anointed king of Israel, was given an assignment: Take a sack lunch to your older brothers. Little did David know this experience would set the stage for him to meet his destiny and identify him as a hero—from carrier to conqueror! Seemingly, insignificant or hurtful experiences now may have incredible and profound significance in the future. It may not seem like it, but insignificant or hurtful experiences can affect your identity in a positive way and introduce you to your destiny. Each one can prepare you for a future that you cannot see. I’m not saying God caused them, but God can definitely use them—mundane assignments, tedious busywork, volunteering, interning, being silent when angry, speaking up where there is injustice, writing in a dream journal, continuing to pray despite the lack of answers, loss, illness, hardship, adversity, etc.

In Mark Batterson’s book Soul Print, he wrote, “Alfred Adler believed that perceived disadvantages [like being tasked with delivering a lunch or hurtful experiences] often prove to be disguised advantages because they force us to develop attitudes and abilities that would have otherwise gone undiscovered. Adler concluded that perceived disadvantages can be springboards to success. And that success is not achieved in spite of those perceived disadvantages. It’s achieved because of them.”

How can what you are going through now, or what you have gone through then, be a positive for your identity? Can your story, eventually, inspire others? It may be time to see a different perspective.

EXPERIENCES Affect Identity – pt.1

2011-07-18T00:01:00.007-05:00

“The worst circumstances often produce the best character and the best story line.

Worst circumstances can double as the best circumstances.”

–Mark Batterson

Part one of a series of seven posts.
**I've talked with several friends about sharing their personal, negative experiences with my blog subscribers. They have agreed. Along with my story, email subscribers, will receive real life stories of friends who have trusted God to bring triumph from tragic experiences. Their stories are powerful and inspiring. They are sharing with the hope to inspire hope for an identity that may be lost in negative experiences. I am grateful they are willing to share. I will send them, one by one, as an email to my subscriber list after the seventh post. If you are interested in receiving their stories, then subscribe to receive email updates.**

Experiences affect identity. Good experiences, like winning the lottery, getting a pay raise, selling your home after only being on the market two weeks, getting married, or finding out your pregnant (because you’ve trying for months) are not the only experiences that influence your identity in a positive way. God can use the negative ones, too. You know, the ones you’ve tried to forget. The ones that hurt real bad. The ones you are ashamed of and want freedom from. Yes, those ones.

I don’t want write about good experiences and how those affect our identity. I want write about how bad experiences, if we allow them, can affect our identity in a positive way. You don’t have to be down in the dumps, to be ashamed, to be insecure, or to feel like we are a failure, because of negative experiences. God can use your negative (bad) experiences to shape your identity in a positive way. It takes perspective and a desire to move beyond the negative experiences.

On October 31, 2003, Bethany Hamilton went for a morning surf along Tunnels Beach, Kauai with her friend Alana Blanchard and Alana’s father and brother. Around 7:30 a.m., she was lying sideways on her surfboard with her left arm dangling in the water. Suddenly, a 14 ft tiger shark attacked her, ripping her left arm off just below the shoulder. They quickly rushed her to the hospital, where she spent seven days in recovery. When the bandages came off, the sight of her arm nearly caused her to faint. “It was a lot worse than I had imagined,” Bethany said. “I was going to need help from someone much bigger than myself if I was ever going to get back in the water.” Bethany is Christ-follower.

Bethany prefers not to make the shark attack “a big soap opera.” Rather, she prefers to focus on what God has allowed her to do in picking up the pieces of her old life and adjusting to the new one. Her movie is currently available, it is called, “Soul Surfer.” Bethany’s tragic experience has impacted and challenged many people. I want you read how her negative experience has affected her identity in a positive way.

“I have this thought every second of my life—Why me? Not negatively, like, ‘Why did this terrible thing happen to me?’ But more like ‘Why did God choose me and what does He have in mind for me?’"

“I see that God is able to use my story to help others. Once a girl came up and told me that she had had cancer. When she learned of my story it made her realize that she didn't need to give up.”

And probably one of the most powerful quotes I have ever read:

“I could never have embraced this many people with two arms.”

Bethany understands this negative experience has given her the opportunity to touch so many lives. She is not discouraged because of how she looks or focused on her disability because of the loss of her arm. Instead, Bethany realizes that God can use negative experiences to shape her identity in a positive way and others, as well.

God can do the same for you. Are you ready to explore negative experiences and discover how God can redeem even those?

FAMILY affects Identity – Part 6

2011-07-11T00:01:00.014-05:00

[Part 1], [Part 2], [Part 3], [Part 4], [Part 5]

David embraced his identity and received the recognition from the king, but it wasn’t just an identity he built himself. David had a very close relationship with God and spent many days and nights with sheep, writing poems and songs to God. Those times with God defined David and shaped his identity. God was more than a figure to David, but friend, mentor, and coach. So, when David heard Goliath bad-mouthing the people of God, it angered him. He didn’t see this as a moment to define his identity, God did that. When David faced adversity, he saw it as a moment to elevate God.

I’ve witnessed some students follow in their brother and sister’s footsteps—doing some of the same stuff they did. It is a strange attempt to define their own identity by molding into someone else’s. Often, it turns out bad. If you are a student or an adult, you have to be honest with yourself. I know you love your family, but, if your family members are not doing the right things, do you want to end up where they are? Honestly, think about it. If you don’t, then you need to change. David changed. He was different than his brothers and it landed him a meeting with the king, ultimately becoming the king of Israel. But, he decided to not follow in his brothers footsteps. David wasn’t trying to be like his older brother or even one-up him. If David had, he may have never met with the king or faced Goliath, because Eliab was too busy hiding from Goliath to be noticed by the king. By spending time with God, David seemed to avoid the low self-worth his family could have produced. Remember this pervasive point: God ultimately shapes your identity.

When we decide to surrender our lives to Jesus, he adopts us into his family. We have more than just a flesh and bones family here, but we also have a spiritual family in Jesus. It may sound silly, but David understood his connection with God directly affected who he was and ultimately who he became. I don’t know what your family life is like. I can’t assume that it is a bad one. Many have great families with tons of support and tons of love. I hope you have a family like that. I hope you create a family like that. But you might not have a family like that or have grown up in a healthy, uplifting, encouraging, family. I don’t want your identity be shaped by just one family. If family members are making horrible decisions and their future isn’t looking good, you don’t have to follow them. Take a lesson from David’s story, change. The truth is, family can affect your identity in a positive and negative way, BUT you have a choice on how it will.

FAMILY affects Identity – Part 5

2011-07-10T00:01:00.003-05:00

When David got to the battlefield with his brothers lunch, he witnessed Goliath for the first time. Goliath was bad-mouthing the army and that army was fearful of him. David couldn’t believe what he was witnessing! David spoke up, “Who does that dude think he is?! He can’t talk to God’s people that way! How much will I get if I kill him?”

When David’s older brother overheard him, he got angry. Rather than pull David aside and correct him or talk with him, he tried to embarrass him. 1 Samuel 17: 28-30, Now Eliab his eldest brother heard when he spoke to the men. And Eliab’s anger was kindled against David, and he said, “Why have you come down? And with whom have you left those few sheep in the wilderness?” And David said, “What have I done now? Was it not but a word?” And he turned away from him toward another.

Eliab reminded David that he takes care of sheep and goats. That’s not a bad thing, because people made a decent living being a shepherd, but Eliab was trying to embarrass David in front of his military buddies. It would be like you hanging out with your older brother’s friends and he gets tired of it. Your older brother might say, “It’s getting kinda late. It’s time for you to go home, because you’re going to miss an episode of Dora the Explorer!” What Eliab did, what your older brother might do is prove to everyone else that you don’t belong.

That’s discouraging and if you hear that enough times, especially from your family, you might start believing it. It might affect your identity in a negative way. You might feel second best, like giving up, insignificant, or even useless. And it’s unfortunate that your family could make you feel this way, but it happens. I hate that; I really do. But the good news, you don’t have to let it discourage you. Family can be rough. Often times the people who say they love us can hurt us most. And depending on how deep the hurt or how long they’ve hurt us, it can negatively affect our identity. But, allow David’s story to be one of hope. No matter how wrong your family has treated you, God ultimately shapes your identity. David didn’t allow his family to negatively define him. I think he learned to embrace the thought of being underestimated. The less potential others saw in him, the more he wanted God to prove them wrong.

Notice what David did when his brother tried to embarrass him. Verse 30, “And he turned away from him toward another.” David ignored it. David realized his brother wasn’t being helpful, so he quickly moved on. And it was when David moved on, that other people listened, not ridiculed him, and reported what he said to Saul. The words David spoke earned him a meeting with the king. Thank God, he didn’t allow his older brother to silence him.

Galatians 6:9, “So let's not get tired of doing what is good. At just the right time we will reap a harvest of blessing if we don't give up.” I believe there are moments when quitting is essential to reaching God’s best. And, I believe there are moments when we should keep going. David practiced both—he quit listening to his older brother and kept speaking. The key is knowing when to do both…or neither.

FAMILY affects Identity – Part 4

2011-07-09T00:01:00.001-05:00

You might think David would get special treatment after being told he would be the next king, at least talked to differently, but he didn’t. David went back to the fields and continued to be a punching bag for his older brothers. In fact, they were still picking on him when he visited them in the Valley of Elah. And this is where David’s life changed, forever.

What happened next in David’s life is a story we all know, David and Goliath. David wasn’t supposed to be at this battle, so it is a miracle he was there. The only reason David was there was because his dad called in pizza for his sons. David was the pizza delivery guy…well, something like that. 1 Samuel 17: 17-18, “And Jesse said to David his son, “Take for your brothers an ephah of this parched grain, and these ten loaves, and carry them quickly to the camp to your brothers. Also take these ten cheeses to the commander of their thousand. See if your brothers are well, and bring some token from them.”

David, the newly anointed king of Israel, is a pizza delivery guy. Sweet! I don’t know what David thought when he learned of his assignment or while he walked to where his brothers were, but I bet he was frustrated. “Why am I bringing lunch?! Didn’t dad hear and see that God anointed me to be king! I’m sure there is more to life than this!” There is no way David would have known that God could use something as insignificant as a lunch delivery to place him on the biggest battlefield of his life. It was this moment that got the ball rolling to David’s future as king. Here’s the lesson: What you view as negative or insignificant, could shape your identity in a positive way.

There may be significant negatives in your life, but it’s possible those negatives can shape your identity in a positive way, especially as it concerns your family. As a kid, I wished that my family was richer, that we lived in a bigger house, that we drove nicer cars, and that we had the newest stuff. I used to see those as negatives. What I once saw as negatives, I now see as positives. Today, I have an appreciation for the things I have and don’t feel I need specific things to boost my ego or status level. I may not have the most expensive clothing, newest hottest car, but I realize stuff doesn’t define me anyway. My parents were generous with the things they did possess, love, and that defined them. It defined me.

Forget stuff. What about words? I was bullied as a kid. I was picked on, beat up. Those negative experiences then now help me to understand people who feel the way I did. What I viewed as negatives has positively shaped my identity. And the same goes for you. Even negative experiences may have a positive effect on your identity. Shift your perspective. David had a stack of negatives piled by his family. It’s sad that the place that was supposed to provide support actually provided the least of it.

FAMILY affects Identity – Part 3

2011-07-08T00:01:00.004-05:00

[Part One], [Part Two]

Jesse and Samuel focused on the outside, because one by one, seven of Jesse’s sons passed in front of Samuel. Jesse probably thought, “These are great looking boys! I’m sure one of these will be the next king!” And, I bet Samuel got tired of saying, “No.” Here’s what happened, 1 Samuel 16: 10-12,

In the same way all seven of Jesse’s sons were presented to Samuel. But Samuel said to Jesse, “The Lord has not chosen any of these. Are these all the sons you have?” Jesse replied, “There is still the youngest, but he’s out in the fields watching the sheep and goats.”

“Send for him at once,” Samuel said. “We will not sit down to eat until he arrives.” So Jesse sent for him. He was dark and handsome, with beautiful eyes. And the Lord said, “This is the one; anoint him.”

David was never invited to the service, because his father never thought he would be considered, never saw his potential, or thought much of him. That had to hurt. Imagine, all of your brothers and sisters going to a very special service, but your dad says, “Okay, you stay here.” I wonder if David was used to that, talked down to, never felt good enough, and felt like the underdog often. Family dynamics play an important role in identity—Family can affect your identity in a positive or negative way.

We come from different backgrounds. Some might feel like David – looked over or passed up because your brother or your sister got all the attention. Some might feel like the seven brothers who got the attention and the approval from other people—you might feel a little more confident. Whatever your family background, whether you are being told you have purpose and a destiny or your being made to feel like you don’t have purpose and a destiny, God ultimately shapes your identity. And that’s powerful! Whatever your family background, God ultimately shapes your identity.

In the mind of David’s father and brothers, he would be nothing more than a shepherd. God impressed Samuel to ask Jesse if he had another son, because, to God, David was more than a shepherd. God saw the value in David. As soon as David walked onto the scene, God said, “Now, this is the king. That’s him!” God saw what David’s own family never saw. God saw David’s true identity. And, God sees your true identity when no one else does, even when you don't see it.

FAMILY affects Identity – Part 2

2011-07-07T00:01:00.027-05:00

David and Goliath, we’ve all heard this story at some point in our life, but you might not have read it from this angle. Much like we have a president today, in the time when this story was set, the country of Israel had a king, Saul. The Bible describes Saul as chosen, because they (the people) wanted a king. God used a man named Samuel to speak to the people of Israel (and other judges), but the people decided they didn’t like this arrangement anymore. So, they chose a king (1 Samuel 8:9). God grants their request and gives them Saul (1 Samuel 10:17-24). 1 Samuel 9:2, he was “…a handsome young man. There was not a man among the people of Israel more handsome than he. From his shoulders upward he was taller than any of the people.”

After many years, God had enough with the king chosen and spoke to Samuel, 1 Samuel 15:11 saying, “I regret that I have made Saul king, for he has turned back from following me and has not performed my commandments.” Later God spoke to Saul, through Samuel, 1 Samuel 15:26, “I will not return with you. For you have rejected the word of the Lord, and the Lord has rejected you from being king over Israel.” Samuel is tasked with finding the new king of Israel. Samuel became distraught after he told Saul he would no longer be king. Basically, God told Samuel to get over it, to go to Bethlehem, and find a guy named Jesse. Samuel does what God said and invites Jesse and his sons to a worship service—where God will anoint the next king. Samuel had no idea who the next king would be, except that he was one of Jesse’s sons.

Jesse knew this was a pretty big moment, because he invited his sons along, except one. Samuel looked over his first son and got pretty excited, because like Saul, he was a good looking and tall. But God told Samuel, “Nope, not him. I don’t look at the things that people do. I look at the heart of a person.” A lesson about identity, Identity is not based on looks, but heart – not based on external, but internal—an important lesson to discover. Often, we lose focus and chase external things to fix internal insecurities and identity issues – relationships, clothes, hairstyles, sex, money, status, or position/title. We approach the solution the wrong way, missing God’s perspective. God wants us to approach identity from an internal perspective. As a part of God’s family, God defines our value from within. And the only way to experience that value is to spend time with God. Chasing external stuff becomes obstacles, not solutions.

Being looked over is not fun and the feeling doesn't easily disappear. Choosing how to build worth is crucial, because it will leave a lasting impression. The outcome of your choices don't easily disappear either.

FAMILY affects Identity – Part 1

2011-07-05T15:39:00.001-05:00

Part 1 of a 6 part series.

Psychologists believe your earliest childhood memory describes your view of self. My earliest childhood memory is of being denied my first kiss from Jennifer Saenz, in the first grade. I had a crush on her. In elementary school, kids would line up during recess to ride the big merry-go-round. One afternoon, during recess, I watched Jennifer fancifully get on the merry-go-round. Quickly, I jumped from the top of the monkey bars and ran to file in line, praying I would get the chance to sit next to Jennifer Saenz! I was ready to confess my undying, first grade, love and make a love connection with the biggest move of my life – the first kiss. As kids entered and exited the merry-go-round, Jennifer stayed seated. Anxious and nervous, it seemed my dreams would come true. The line wouldn’t move fast enough! Finally, my turn arrived. I ran, jumped up, and slid into the long seat where Jennifer sat. “Hi,” I said with other intentions. She gave me a huge smile. My heart skipped a few beats.

I’m sure there was an awkward silence after, “hi,” because I was more occupied thinking about how to segue into kissy face. The real reason I was there was for the kiss. I told Jennifer I liked her and leaned in for the moment I waited my whole life for (or since I jumped in the merry-go-round line). As I leaned in, Jennifer leaned back, away from me. I leaned further toward her, oblivious to her clues. She didn’t want what I was eager to give.

The velocity of the spinning merry-go-round, gravity and I’m sure physics fought against my plan. As my feet dangled to the ground and my body leaned further toward her, suddenly the unexpected happened for me and a miracle happened for her. My feet clipped the ground and yanked my body from the long wooden seat, between the metal handlebars. My earliest childhood memory is of failure.

Closely tied to that memory is one of my brothers. I love them, dearly, but as kids they would tease and embarrass me while I was on the phone with any girl. As a result, I disliked talking on the phone, with girls, at home. With corded home phones, you were limited to how far you could get away, so I made for an easy target. If I wanted privacy, I could walk to a payphone, but my mom wouldn’t allow it. I struggled in communication with girls growing up, because I was incredibly afraid of failure and embarrassment. Thinking back, it’s easy to see how my experiences and my family played a role in affecting my identity. It’s the same for you, too. And, it could have been the same way for David, as in the David and Goliath David. Family affects identity.

Inconsideration (pet-peeve) – pt. 3

2011-06-30T09:27:00.004-05:00

“Do unto others as you would have them do unto you.”

-Matthew 7:12

And the final installment of Inconsideration...

Inconsideration, my definition, is lacking the awareness of or failing to acknowledge that other people exist in the world other than one’s self.

Listening to music from your phone, without headphones

As I walked through a store, I heard music, yet not what I would have expected coming from overhead. Usually music pumping through the overhead speakers is tamed and filtered to be appropriate for all ages; what I heard was neither appropriate for all ages nor coming from overhead, more horizontal and moving toward me. I was taken aback. This was the first time I ever witnessed this inconsideration, pounding beats, nearly blowing the speaker, with a lyrical line laced with profanity. A woman DJ’d to all within earshot as her cell phone sat on her purse in the front of her shopping cart, yet she wasn’t taking requests. She just hit play and let’er fly. It really doesn’t matter what music (clean, vulgar, classical) you’re bumpin’ from your phone, car, or the headphones blaring as they dangle around your neck. Unless you are a DJ for an elevator or your name is Muzak, I don’t want to hear it. I bet others don’t either.

Eating Corn-nuts in a long car ride.

I was a Junior High pastor for years and inevitably, on a road trip, a junior higher would buy a bag of Corn Nuts, open the bag, and subject the rest of us to the stench. Confined areas and Corn Nuts do not mix. For that matter, confined areas and strong smells do not mix, either. So, while I’m at it, let me add a few to the list: Acetone (this is a car ride, not a nail shop on wheels), farting/burping contests, morning breath (over-night car rides, be prepared and pack gum in the console), and Durian. Easiest way to remedy this inconsideration, ask permission or bring gum.

Extending your hand to shake mine, after stepping out of a bathroom stall

Men, this not appropriate, ever. It may seem like a kind gesture, but it is an uncomfortable proposition. I feel slightly guilty for declining your handshake. I shouldn’t, but I do. In the event that we recognize each other, a simple, “hello,” or wave will do. When you walk out of a bathroom stall, only one task should be next on the agenda, wash hands. And, if you skip this task, don’t even get me started…

Staring at my wife, especially when I’m a few steps behind.

Often, I purposely walk a few steps behind my wife to see which perverts are checking her out. It is not that I enjoy it or that it fills me with pride that other dudes are looking at my wife, because I don’t and it doesn’t. I want to build a case and reinforce to me that I am not the only one who notices. There are other people-watchers in the world. There are two things I would like to do in that situation, really three. One: break eye contact, wink at the guy, and give him the same stare he was giving my wife—just to make him feel as uncomfortable as he makes my wife feel. Two: grab the skin of an orange, bend it, and have the mist spray him in the eye. Three: punch him in the face.

People whose cell phones ring after an announcement has been made to silence cell-phones.

I am certain the ones who need to hear this announcement are either texting or talking on the phone and miss this announcement. I can’t imagine someone who heard this announcement respond, “Are you kidding me? Silence my cell phone. What kind of place is this that takes away my freedom?” Without a doubt, someone’s cell phone will ring, either he has a deep pocket or her purse is too cluttered, and it’s like searching for the Holy Grail; it’s nowhere to be found. In the meantime, we listen to cackling geese, cats meowing, a nuclear meltdown buzzer, a top 40 song or a snippet of How Great is Our God. Aren’t you glad we got rid of those original annoying ringtones? Tip: Anytime you walk into a public place, make it a habit to switch to vibrate. Repeat offenders, you should know better.

Double parking.

How hard can it be to look back and see you if your vehicle is parked over the white line? Or worst, when I come outside to discover the only way back in my car is through the window or the trunk! I know I shouldn’t admit this, but I want to duct-tape their doors shut. I want them to experience the inconvenience I did as I had to think thin and squeeze into the five inch opening, banging my head against the door and then the door frame (and repeat, as I reacted to each head bump again). Can something be done about this? How long must this go on? My solution: Bring back Polaroid cameras and take a picture. Then, wait in your car until they return. Follow them home, at a safe distance, to discover where they live. In the middle of the night, return to their home with about four cinder blocks and stack them outside their driver’s side door or their front door. Tape the picture to the cinder blocks. In the white bottom part of the Polaroid picture, write these words, “How does it feel? Inconsiderate? Then, quit it!”

Remember the golden rule and live life aware of others. I might just write about you.

Inconsideration (pet-peeve) – pt. 2

2011-06-28T11:00:00.002-05:00

“Do unto others as you would have them do unto you.”

-Matthew 7:12

I thought of these series of blog posts, after a recent event. I jotted down a few inconsiderations (my new word) and wondered if others have experienced my same feelings. Part one, I shared six inconsiderations (it’ll catch on), but I discovered (I believe the Lord revealed to me—not really) more once I began listing. As I mentioned in the previous blog post, I don’t have many pet-peeves—that I’m aware of, only one, inconsideration. I am a nothing-really-bothers-me type of guy, except for when it comes to inconsideration. It cuts deep into my heart and frustrates me to the point of having to “pray through”.

My definition of inconsideration, lacking the awareness of or failing to acknowledge that other people exist in the world other than one’s self.

Employees, in customer service, working behind a counter, asking a customer, who walks up to the counter, to wait while they wrap up a conversation with another employee about what they did last night.

Do you remember the early days of the cordless phone technology? At times, when I picked up the phone to make a call, I was surprised to hear another conversation from someone who knows where. It was odd and completely random, especially during the early days of the call-waiting technology, too. As a kid, I lived for those days. Now, as an adult, I don’t have the same perspective. There is nothing more awkward than to be subjected to another person’s escapades, because they didn’t ask me if I wanted to know, they just spilled. Depending on the subject matter, I don’t know if I’m to respond, console, rejoice, call for help, encourage, empathize, sympathize, or just ignore it like it didn’t hear anything. Clearly, I heard it all. What makes matters worse, the jovial, out-going conversation with their friend ceases and then the employee shifts attention to me unenthusiastically, somewhat bothered, and in a monotone voice asks, “Can I help you?” It’s not professional. It’s not customer friendly. It’s not appreciated. And, in any area dealing with customer service, it’s not thinking of the customer first. Stop it.

In a car, deciding to have a conversation with a person who is not in a car.

If I had a ranking, this one would be ranked pretty high on my inconsideration list. I’m driving down the road, or in a parking lot, when all of a sudden the person in the car in front of me recognizes someone they know and decides to catch up on life, right here, right now. I come to a complete stop and now trapped by a conversation. I could honk, but for some reason that feels more inconsiderate than the current conversation that, apparently, was so urgent it must happen, now. I could also go around, but in a parking lot, I don’t usually have that option. I’m a hostage in my own vehicle. I’ve got a tip: Wave. Drive off into a parking stall or pull-over to the side of the road and call the person. I have a feeling the conversation wasn’t a traffic-stopper.

Having more than 20 items in a shopping cart, at the 15 item or less line.

I’m curious, what sense of denial leads a person to look into their basket and decide, “I’ve been in the grocery store for well over an hour, but there is NO WAY I have more than what would disqualify me for the express lane!” I wish we were empowered to count the items in people’s shopping carts and call them out. It doesn’t have to be a big showcase, just a subtle approach. I’m thinking, an air-horn (for initial shock), a bullhorn (for an announcement), and a simple to-the-point announcement from the bullhorn, “May I have your attention, please? This person has exceeded the limit of items for the express lane.” I think the embarrassment might prevent further infractions. Actually, a better idea would be for the registers to total after a 15 item order. It seems practical to me.

Walking in the middle of the lane of a parking lot.

I would never do this, but I have considered it. When I see a person taking his/her sweet time walking in the middle of a lane of a parking lot, I want to sneak up behind him, in my car, and bump him. This is another one of those things I don’t understand. I understand there are circumstances when crossing the lane is inevitable, but a true sign of inconsideration is not in crossing the lane, expediently, but in walking in the lane, leisurely. I’ve been caught walking in the cross-hairs of the lane and a car and in that moment, I acknowledged the car, mouthed, “I’m sorry,” walked briskly out of the way, and gave one last wave for good measure, while mouthing, “thank you.” “Thank you,” for allowing me to pass. “Thank you,” for not running me over. “Thank you,” for not blowing your horn, causing me to possibly soil my pants. My easy fix for this kind of inconsideration: walk along the parking stalls, until you need to cross over. Or follow my approach a few lines above – it seems considerate.

One more post left…

Inconsideration (pet-peeve) - pt.1

2011-06-27T09:37:00.005-05:00

“Do unto others as you would have them do unto you.”

-Matthew 7:12

A recent event sparked this blog post. As the sliding glass door opened, I walked into a hospital and nearly escaped being pinned between a burly man and a door frame. I expected to walk on the right side as the door opened, but I was instantly crowded out by a couple who insisted on walking out side-by-side. This door was not made for a couple to walk side-by-side, in or out, through it while allowing any others to pass without incident. My right shoulder brushed against the door frame and my left shoulder uncomfortably exchanged fabric for skin cells from the gentleman’s left arm.

I don’t have many pet-peeves. Actually, I can’t think of any, except for inconsideration. I’m a nothing-really-bothers-me type of guy, except for when it comes to inconsideration. This cuts deep into my heart and it frustrates me to the point of having to “pray through”. Inconsideration, my definition, is lacking the awareness of or failing to acknowledge that other people exist in the world other than one’s self.

Because I have a blog, I will take the liberty to express a few inconsiderate things I’ve witnessed over the years. It's going to be a series. I hope you find it entertaining, educational, and cathartic. Cathartic? Yes, because I would like you to experience the burden being lifted through confession of your pet-peeve, also. Please, do not mention any names. Let the healing begin.

Not saying, “thank you,” when a door has been opened for you.

This is a courtesy. Although, it makes you feel like royalty when a door is opened for you, not saying, “thank you,” makes me want to let go of it while you are still walking through it. And, I don’t even know where I heard this, but it is the only thing I hear in my head, “Don’t let the door hit ya, where the good Lord split ya!”

Not taking the door from me, when I open the door for you and your lady and your family.

Inevitably, when I get stuck holding the door open that means my family or my group is ahead of me. Gentlemen, when someone opens a door for you and you’re on a date with that special loved one, take the door from that person. If I’m not wearing a uniform of the establishment in which you are entering, then I’m not supposed to be the host welcoming you.

Walking to the front of a line, because “I’m in a hurry,” while the rest of the world waits in it.

I was waiting at the Post Office to send Mother’s Day gifts when I witnessed this inconsideration. A woman bursts through the doors, huffing and puffing at the size of the line, definitely making her presence and immediacy known. After 3 minutes of waiting in line, she breaks line etiquette and makes her way to the front, “I’m sorry. I’m in a rush and I need to get to work.” She must have thought we were professional people who get paid to stand in lines, because it’s not like we had anything else to do or anywhere else to go, but wait in that line. If you feel the urge to jump the line, because you’re in a hurry, just walk out of the store and do what you need to do another day, when you have time. Don’t make those of us, who allotted time to do that task, late while we wait for you who didn’t.

As a road, or highway, narrows, drivers who speed quickly to move to the front of the line.

I give more grace to the drivers who do this with out-of-state license plates, “They didn’t know.” But, the moment I see a sign that indicates, the road narrows and I see a line forming, I move on over. Why not? The sign instructs me the lane narrows and others have already shown the way. Then, there is the guy (or girl) who uses this as an opportunity to zoom past every car who obeys the signs. For them it may seem like living on the edge, for me it’s just inconsiderate. Because of their little maneuver, it makes the line I’m in longer and more congested. Now, I’m expected to move over and allow this inconsiderate person in. If it was possible to give this person a flat tire remotely, I would. I’d love for them to pass me up, then I’d push a button, their tire would flatten just as they cleared the long line, and then I’d pass them up and wave. I’d probably say something like, “Jesus loves you,” out of the window.

When I decide to pass up someone in the fast lane

I’m not a fast driver. I normally don’t speed. I used to in high school and college, but not anymore. I’m usually by the book or about five miles over the speed limit. So, when I’m in the fast lane, closely approaching a vehicle driving slower than the term “fast” lane indicates, I turn my blinker on and attempt to pass. Little did I know the sight of my blinker and my car changing lanes was the “POW! of a starter pistol in the mind of the slower driver in the fast lane. A simple lane change turned into a NASCAR race. Apparently, for the slower driver, the thought of being passed while driving in a fast lane sends a signal to the foot that says, “Get heavy! This is not happening today.” I don’t get it. If you have been passed up two or three times, it might be a sign to get out of the fast lane.

Walkers, or runners, side-by-side taking up half the lane on a street.

If this were a registered race or marathon, then the road would be closed off and you would be free to roam and fancy your little walking/runner’s heart desire, but it’s not. Vehicles that are powered with gas, weighing tons, carrying passengers, pass with regularity upon the asphalt in which they were designed for. If it’s not a marathon day and you see a vehicle approaching, please file in a line. I have no problem with you walking/running in the street, but give priority to the machinery in which the roads were made for. It always scares me to cross the yellow-dotted line, into oncoming traffic, especially on curves early in the morning. This could easily be avoided, with consideration by filing in a line or using sidewalks, when available.

Caffeine-Free: The Halfway Mark

2011-06-21T09:49:00.005-05:00

At the beginning of the year, Natalie and I decided to do what is called a, “Daniel Fast”. For the past 5 years, I’ve done some type of yearly fast and it mostly had to do with eating or not eating to be accurate. For followers of Jesus, Scripture is pretty clear that fasting is not an optional spiritual discipline. It is expected. For 21 days of the Daniel Fast, Nat and I said good-bye to caffeine. Now, I’ve heard of people doing the Daniel Fast, yet I hadn't built up the courage to try it on my own. Nat suggested it, so I journeyed with her. Nine days prior to the Daniel Fast, I was on my 30 day food fast, only drinking fluids. During those nine days, Nat talked about starting the Daniel Fast and I was being challenged to try it. After nine days, we began day one of the 21-day Daniel Fast and it was the most difficult 21 days I have ever experienced. Nine days without food was definitely easier.

One thing you should know about me, I’m not a fruit and veggies type of guy. Talking to a friend last week, as he sat with a huge cinnamon roll on his plate, jokingly he told me, “I’m fasting healthy foods this week.” We laughed, but for many of us, including me, we do that. It’s probably not the best way to treat God’s temple.

Since the fast, I decided to jump the caffeine (coffee/soft drinks) ship for one year. In March, I blogged a confession for disobedience. I never thought I had an addiction to caffeine, specifically coffee. I wasn’t much of a coffee drinker—definitely not as diehard as Nat. Nat experienced withdrawals the first seven days with no coffee —headaches, incredibly fatigued, and the shakes (okay, I made the last one up). I didn't experience those symptoms, with severity, however I discovered how dependent I was on coffee to add pep to my days. Now this is my conviction, I'm not trying to play the role of Holy Spirit in your life, but I felt guilty for the times I relied on a cup of coffee when I lacked energy, rather than praying for God’s strength. That was a huge reflection for me and it is the reason I decided to give it up for a year.

I’m at the halfway mark, six months, and there are times I still want a caffeine boost. Six more months to go! Here are a few lessons I’ve learned so far (in no particular order):

1. I’ve existed many days relying on my strength not God’s.

2. Caffeine is not the enemy to dependence on God, my inability to, often, acknowledge I need God is.

3. I need God’s help, period and always.

4. Each cup of coffee was another example of how I took matters into my own hands – foolish.

Have you ever considered a fast? Maybe, it’s time to make it happen. What will you miss if you gave it up for 21 days?

Matthew 8:18-22 – HIStoric REST

2011-06-15T13:32:00.002-05:00

“Now when Jesus saw a crowd around him, He gave orders to go over to the other side.”

It seemed Jesus dodged the crowd and it’s plausible He did. Assuming Matthew was written in chronological order, the detailed events prior to this moment in scripture would tire the fittest of individuals! Jesus came off one mountain where He did spiritual warfare with the devil, walked up another where He spoke for who knows how long time-wise (3 chapters worth), and then came down from that same mountain to be immediately met by a leper, a centurion, Peter’s mother-in-law, and many others. He must be exhausted! So as things pick up, as His popularity is rises, and as momentum builds, Jesus gives a command, “Let’s get out of here. Let’s get away.”

As Jesus walked away to find rest (vv. 19-20),

“A scribe came up and said to him, ‘Teacher, I will follow you wherever you go.’ And Jesus said to him, ‘Foxes have holes, and birds of the air have nests, but the Son of Man has nowhere to lay his head.’"

My translation, “As Jesus was walking away to rest, someone interrupted Him. Jesus told it like it is, ‘Are you sure you want to follow me? If you do, you won’t have time to even rest, because even when you try to it gets interrupted.’” I believe there was truth to His statement, but I’d also like to think there was an inside joke for His disciples because of where they were headed—to find rest.

In the middle of this conversation, another guy chimed in (vv. 21-22),

“Another of the disciples said to him, ‘Lord, let me first go and bury my father.’ And Jesus said to him, ‘Follow me, and leave the dead to bury their own dead.’"

It sounds harsh, doesn’t it? “Let the dead bury their own dead,” is in reference to the death of someone’s father. I don’t want to get into what Jesus meant by that. I think you can plug that quoted line into any Google search bar with another tag word, “commentary” and come up with conclusions. But, I do want to share what I believe why He said that—urgency.

Remember, they were leaving to go to “the other side,” and this man wanted Jesus to wait. Jesus was ready to rest, because He needed it and so did His disciples. If Jesus waited, who knows when He might have had a chance to rest? As soon as He stepped off the mountain, He was immediately overwhelmed. He met needs, because they were important, but He also determined that rest was too, thus the command.

If you feel overwhelmed, take a page out of Jesus’ book and find time to rest. Sense the urgency to rest. Stop, for just a moment and plan for the moment to rest, even if it is one hour of rest. Life moves fast. Find time to rest—His Rest.

What are your ideas of rest and relaxation?

Grateful, Yet Burdened – A Deeper Look into Our Heart

2011-06-08T06:17:00.005-05:00

“Can you worship a God who isn’t obligated to explain His actions to you? Could it be your arrogance that makes you think God owes you an explanation?” –Francis Chan, Crazy Love

January 2011, while snow was falling, Nat and I were sitting in bed having a discussion about safety, protection and God’s will. Before we fell asleep, I prayed for her. Before I prayed, I reached out to Facebook friends to pray for her also. I was nervous and anxious about her driving to work the next morning in the snow and ice. I’m a bit of a worry-wart. She was strangely calm and at peace. I wanted to say, “Have you seen what’s falling out there?! Why are you so calm about it? You’re the one about to drive in it! You’re supposed to be worried like me!”

Here’s what I prayed, “Lord, protect her while she drives. Let her arrive safely there and back home. Not only protect her, but allow the crazy drivers to stay away from her! Not a scratch on her or the vehicle. Amen.” I wanted safety for my wife. I wanted protection for her. And, I’m sure that was God’s will.

After that prayer, Nat said something that got under my skin, yet I knew she was right. It saddened my heart then. Even now, my heart is heavy as I reflect.

Nat asked in a soft, inquisitive, genuine tone, “Babe, what if God’s will was that I not make it home tomorrow? What if God could receive more recognition in my death than in my life? Let’s pray God’s will.”

As the man of faith in my home, I responded, “You don’t think God would want you to be home with us?” It’s a difficult truth to swallow as someone you love says those words with such confidence and assurance. She was right. I didn’t like it. I still don’t, but she was and is right.

Nat continued, “I don’t know what God’s will is, but we are where we are, right now, because we have decided to follow God, no matter how difficult it is. I don’t want to start praying against God’s will, now. Our plans can’t be better than His.”

So, that night we decided to follow Jesus’ model for prayer. “Your Kingdom come, Your will be done, on earth as it is in heaven.” Maybe, like me, you’ve read over that prayer without thinking of its implications. But, as snow was falling from outside our bedroom window, my wife and I talked about the possibility of death and then surrendered her life to God’s will. It was one of the most difficult decisions we’ve made and one of the most gut-wrenching prayers I’ve ever prayed. I said the words, but barely slept as I wrestled with the reality of that prayer. That night, I gave my wife, my daughter, and my life away. Something I should have done a long time ago. I grieved. I cried. I let go. And, I’m still practicing letting go.

I don’t completely know what Jesus experienced as He prayed in Gethsemane, but I imagine the night He prayed so intensely that sweat dropped like blood, He faced the reality of giving up His life. He knew His purpose, He knew the outcome, but this was the moment of surrender. The disciples could sleep, but Jesus couldn’t. The reality of surrendering my wife’s life to God’s will kept me awake, too. And with hesitancy in Jesus’ voice, three times He prayed this, “My Father, if it be possible, let this cup pass from me; nevertheless, not as I will, but as you will.” Ultimately, He resigned His life to God’s will. The outcome was death on a cross, but Jesus died long before the cross. He died at Gethsemane.

Nat and I decided in difficulty, in great joy, in hardship, and in favor, we want God’s will. We want Him to be shown in our life, despite our circumstances. With great fear I type this, we want God’s will for our life. I have to convince myself of this often: His will is better than mine. We’ve resigned to this prayer: “Your will be done, on earth as it is in heaven.” Many people have disagreed with us on this prayer, because to others it feels like we’ve given up faith in difficult circumstances. I don’t think we’ve given up faith; we’ve given up self to make way for faith. We don’t want to pray against God’s will. Just because things didn’t turn out like we planned, doesn’t mean God isn’t in it. Not all open doors are God’s will. A persecution-free, hardship-free life is not scriptural. The first followers of Jesus Christ, the disciples, chose a life of surrender filled with indescribable inconveniences.

In my previous blog post, I asked, “Have you thought about inconveniences being the will of God?” The thought of my wife not with me is a major inconvenience. That’s not how I would have written our story. It reminds me of the courage and testimony of my friend, Guy Delcambre (click on his name for the story). What if there was no positive spin, no adequate conclusion, or no answer to “why” for the inconveniences? Paul, in 1^st Corinthians, writes, “For now we see in a mirror dimly, but then face to face. Now I know in part; then I shall know fully, even as I have been fully known.” Amidst questions, do you trust? Are you willing to surrender, not just pray a prayer of surrender, but actually surrender all you hold dear? If you mean it, it’s not a simple prayer. Trade your dreams, your goals, your family, your life, for God’s will—however uncertain you are of it. As you die to self, there will be mourning.

January 9^th, 2011, I died to my ideas and best-laid plans and gave way to God’s will, with the encouragement from the Supernatural strength of my wife. And the paradox of scripture? Only in death will we ever, truly live. Are you ready to live (die)?

Instead you ought to say, "If the Lord wills, we will live and do this or that.”
– James 4:15 (ESV)

Grateful, yet Burdened

2011-06-06T13:15:00.004-05:00

Memorial Day weekend, Nat and I visited her parents (a two hour drive to Fox, AR). With everything going on—school, GRE exam, her work schedule, our lack of sleep—it was a much needed getaway. Nat left early Saturday; I followed late Sunday. We didn’t have a schedule, which for us is vacation enough! We enjoyed our time in Fox—always do.

I don’t know if you’re like me, but no matter how much fun I have on a trip, I get anxious about home. I like arriving home with enough time to put everything back where it goes and I anticipate sleeping in my own bed. Factor in a gas stop and a toddler crying her head off, which caused Nat to pull over and check on her, it is no longer a two hour trip! After Nat checked on Dassah, as Willie Nelson wrote, we were “on the road again”. Then…we stopped, again.

Approximately thirty cars ahead of us, we could see the lights of police cars, fire trucks, and EMS. For those familiar with Highway 65 in Arkansas, we were just North of Greenbrier. The highway wasn’t completely closed off, because cars were proceeding with caution around an apparent vehicular accident. Then, it happened. A fire truck parked, shutting off both the south bound and north bound lanes. We weren’t going anywhere.

While Nat was in her vehicle ahead of me, I sat in mine searching the GPS for alternate routes. The whole time I was searching, I was also praying and burdened for the people involved. I couldn’t stop thinking about their families, their fear, and this unexpected event. I found an alternate route and called Nat, but it looked incredibly out of the way. We decided to wait it out. Then, overhead, we heard a helicopter in the distance. Med-flight had been contacted. I looked at Nat’s driver’s side mirror as she mouthed, “This is not good,” referring to the accident, not the time. I called Nat again and told her to follow me.

Again, my heart became burdened for the people in the accident, whom I’ve never met. I couldn’t have done anything, professionals were on site, but I didn’t feel less burdened. I turned the radio off and prayed. Suddenly, it hit me, “That could have been us!” Any accident is tragic, but I couldn’t imagine witnessing it happen to the car my loved ones were in. The accident must have happened about thirty minutes before we arrived. I believe we were spared that accident, because of the inconveniences of a gas stop and Dassah crying her head off. Although I was grateful for our safety, I was also burdened for those not so fortunate—such a paradox of feelings.

Have you thought about inconveniences being in the will of God? Have you ever thanked God for inconveniences, not just for the things that went the way you thought they would? Are you grateful for mercy, yet burdened for those who have not received it? It’s not a privilege. It’s humbling.

*Stay tuned…I’m going to post a difficult, gut-wrenching, perspective shift Nat and I made the beginning of this year. It doesn’t make a circumstance like this any easier, but it puts trust and faith in God for our life.

Matthew 8:14-15 – Jesus Cares About Family

2011-06-01T15:25:00.000-05:00

After Jesus walked off the mountain, flipping the world upside-down with His teachings, I can’t imagine how busy work must been for Him and the disciples. Immediately, He was met with His first task—healing a leper. The next task—healing the servant of a centurion. I’m sure there were more that weren’t chronicled, so the disciples had to be tired. I wonder if they knew just how busy and crazy life was about to become.

Insert Matthew 8:14-15, Jesus walks into Peter’s house and discovers Peter’s mother-in-law sick with a fever. I wonder, “How long did Peter know about his mother-in-law’s illness? Was Peter’s wife telling him to come home, because her mother was sick? Did her husband’s incredibly busy schedule and the demands of his new adventure paint Jesus as an insensitive, slave-driving boss?” I wish I knew, because it would add some context for the healing of Peter’s mother-in-law.

Here’s what I can take away from this passage: Jesus made time to stop at Peter’s house and heal his mother-in-law. Soon after that event, Jesus went back to work with the masses (verses16-17). I wonder if Peter might have been unfocused, unproductive, and not one hundred percent dialed into the demands of his new adventure knowing his wife’s mother was ill. We don’t have to find out, because Jesus made time for Peter’s family.

Are you making the time to care for your family? I understand life is busy. It doesn’t seem to be slowing down either. Does your family know you care about them with the things you do? Chasing dreams, goals, and purpose takes sacrifice. Everyone should fully understand the sacrifice, but does your family also see the sacrifice you make for them or are they just accustomed to being the sacrifice?

Embarrassed

2011-05-28T16:49:00.006-05:00

I’ll never forget playing football across the street from my house during my Junior High years. I had friends who lived across the street and their two front yards made one amazing football field for me and my brothers! When it was time for dinner, my mom would yell our names out of the kitchen window. “Jeffrey!” “Steven Ray!” “Tommy!” I don’t know why she chose to use my middle name, but she did. Usually we’d scream back, “What?!” She never liked it. She decided to put an end to “what?”

She told us, “If you scream back ‘what?’ I’m going to embarrass you.” Mom never made false threats. She continued, “If I’m calling you, then that means it’s time to come home. Don’t ask, ‘what?’” I don’t know why I chose to test the threat.

Unlike any other summer day, my brothers and I were across the street playing a pretty intense game of football. It was a close one. As we were advancing the ball and a comeback seemed inevitable, a voice was heard. “Jeffrey!” “Steven Ray!” “Tommy!” Immediately, my brothers left (Wimps!). I stayed as if I never heard my first and middle name.

I don’t know what I was thinking. I wasn’t. At that age, we think we’re invincible. My mom must have realized, “Hmm, there are only two boys I gave birth to in this house. When I look out this window, that middle son of mine better be walking across this street!” I wasn’t. I was in full on rebellion.

She screamed, “Steven Ray!”

With frustration, I sighed and then, replied, “What?” (I know what you’re thinking, “No, he didn’t!” I did.)

She retorted, “STEVEN RAY!”

I yelled back, “What?!”

I don’t know why I continued screaming. I guess I thought she would say, “You know, he’s proven his point. I can see he’s in the middle of a game. I’m sorry I even bothered him.” But that’s not what happened. Frustrated and giving me a final warning of the embarrassment to come, she yelled back, “Steven Ray, you better not say ‘what’ one more time!”

And in a gutsy, stupid, move I screamed even louder, “WHAT?!”

Believe me, I wish I could have taken it back. I think our screaming match formed a curious crowd of people looking and listening from their screened windows and doors. They must have thought, “This can’t be good for that little boy, but it sure is entertaining!” I’m sure my brothers were wondering how it would end – probably more curious than concerned.

Then, she made good on her threat. She embarrassed me. She shouted with incredible clarity and intense volume, “STEVEN RAY, COME HOME, NOW, AND PICK UP YOUR DIRTY UNDERWEAR FROM UNDER THE COFFEE TABLE!! THEY SMELL!!”

Yes, she went there. For a teenage boy, mentioning the unmentionables around friends, by your mom is a cardinal sin (I believe). I turned red from anger, but mostly embarrassment that my friends and neighbors had a far worse mental image of my dirty, soiled underwear than it actually was. Game over. My friends were laughing, hysterically, while rolling on the grass. Without saying a word, I walked over and into my house; there I found my brothers laughing uncontrollably! My mom? She had a grin as big as Texas.

Have you ever been embarrassed by your parent(s)? I’d love to hear it.

Matthew 8:5-7 – The Value of Now and the Value it Instills

2011-05-23T06:38:00.001-05:00

A few years back I had the privilege of attending a Ritz Carlton’s Legendary Service Training. One thing that made an indelible impact was the priority placed on now. When checking in, if a customer walked up to the counter and no one is behind the counter but a bellhop, it is the bellhop’s responsibility to meet that customer’s needs. No waiting. No, “Hold on.” No, “I’m sorry. I don’t know how to work the desk.” Whichever associate is around, quickly moves to assist. They own it, now. From the top of the organization to the bottom, they practice now. And it’s the now, that creates the, “wow!” They specialize in creating “wow” moments and I put it to the test.

I’ve heard Ritz never points to where something is, but leave their post to walk you over to the location. So, as soon as I arrived, I asked the concierge where the restroom was. Sure enough, she left the counter and walked me right to it. The people I was with asked a housekeeper, who was down the hall in another room, how to adjust the AC in their room. The housekeeper stopped what she was doing, walked to their room, and took care of it, now. We were wowed!

I bet that’s how the centurion felt in Matthew 8:5-7, “When [Jesus] entered Capernaum, a centurion came forward to him, appealing to him, ‘Lord, my servant is lying paralyzed at home, suffering terribly.’ And he said to him, ‘I will come and heal him.’” What a response!

Last week, I picked up pictures from Walgreens. There was maybe one more customer in the store besides me; it was pretty early. As I walked up to the photo center counter, I saw the manager training an associate how to use correct envelopes and explaining specific buttons on the register. I know this because, as he saw me walking up, he avoided my eyes and continued training. I stood quietly for about 15 seconds. Then he engaged me, “We’ll be right with you, sir.” Again, I waited—this time for about a minute and a half. I continued to listen. When he finally assisted me, my total transaction time was 30 seconds. Obviously, I wasn’t wowed. Actually, I felt bothersome, inappropriate, and inconvenient. In that moment, he communicated a statement, “I value what I’m doing more than you.”

Jesus conveyed tremendous value to the centurion by listening and committing to do something, now. We learn from Jesus’ exchange the importance of now. Look at someone in the eyes—stop looking over their shoulder. Are they asking you to pray for them? Why not pray now? At Ritz-Carlton, I felt valued by now. Not so valued at Walgreens. I’m sure I’m not the only one who will feel valued by now.

End of the World, Saturday. Wait! What?

2011-05-17T17:04:00.002-05:00

A friend of mine posted on Facebook about people being “shook up because the world was ending Saturday (5.21.11).” I had never heard about this, so I did a little searching and found an article online citing the story. Apparently, Harold Camping has cracked the code for knowing when the world would end…something not even Jesus knew. Click here for the story.

“Camping based it on years of studying the Bible, and a math equation based on what he believes is the date of Christ's crucifixion.”

Matthew 24:36, gives clear biblical indication to what our stance should be on the end times, “I don’t know.” It seemed like a good answer for Jesus. Why must people be so consumed with the world ending? I think we should consume ourselves with living to touch lives, making a difference, and sharing love while the world still exists.

What are your thoughts on the end of the world this Saturday?

I Am Nobody

2011-05-16T07:24:00.003-05:00

I follow Seth Godin’s blog and I highly recommend subscribing to receive his blog updates by email. The guy is very pithy and I enjoy his writing style. He writes from a business/entrepreneurial perspective. And, although I’m not an entrepreneur, at least not yet, I find certain posts have what I call, “crossover principles” – posts that have personal or spiritual implications, not necessarily tied to business. Seth’s post on May 10^th was one of those. I’ve copied it below.

Marketing to Nobody by Seth Godin

Nobody wears a watch any more.

Nobody wears a tie either.

Nobody shops at a bookstore, at least nobody I know.

The market of nobody is big indeed. You can do really well selling to nobody if you do your homework. In fact, most companies selling to nobody outperform those that are trying to sell to everyone.

I love that thought – marketing to “nobody”! It is not a new thought, actually. In Romans 9:25, Paul referenced God’s words written in an Old Testament book called Hosea, “I’ll call nobodies and make them somebodies; I’ll call the unloved and make them beloved. In the place where they yelled out, “You’re nobody!” they’re calling you “God’s living children.” (The Message)

God is marketing to “nobodies”. Okay, "marketing" may not be a good term, but He does love nobodies. Jesus surrounded himself with a group of nobodies. And the Sermon on the Mount? There were a bunch of nobodies listening to Him. I am nobody. And what I love about Seth’s idea and God’s way of "marketing" to me is that it’s incredibly personal and unique. God did His homework to reach me…and it worked.

Be strategic. Be specific. Be personal. Be unique. Be authentic. Be genuine. Get to know the nobodies and help them become somebodies. Be about reaching nobodies.

You'll Never Know

2011-05-10T16:48:00.000-05:00

At the risk of sounding needy, a few weeks ago, someone sent me a text that read, “You’ll never know the impact you’ve made.” My first thought was, “I’d like to know, though. I don’t want to never know (Double negative, I know).” Within a few minutes after receiving that text, I received another text, from another person, making sure I knew the difference I had made in this person’s life. It was a little more detailed. As I said in a previous post, I’m not usually one of those guys who needs constant ego boosts, to be told he’s doing a good job, or the guy who fishes for affirmation and encouragement, but hearing and knowing how I’ve made an impact in someone’s life touched me. I made a vow to not use the phrase, “You’ll never know,” yet also “make known” how a person has greatly influenced my life.

“You’ll never know” sounds forever.

“You’ll never know” sounds like you’re not taking the time to share.

“You’ll never know” makes me wonder what I’ll never know.

I wondered if I’ve used that statement before, because although I understand the sentiment, I don’t think it accurately conveyed what I thought it did. I wonder how many influential and integral people “never know” how they have made an impact in my life. Because, as soon as a person made known, in words, the impact I’ve made, it fired me up and humbled me in the same moment. I know it’s just a figure of speech, but maybe we should fix it. For someone who strategically, methodically, selflessly, tirelessly, patiently, and whole-heartedly gives their time, energy, emotion, prayers, money, and words for the betterment of others, “you’ll never know” somehow doesn’t seem appropriate. Knowing gives a second wind, an adrenaline boost, a willingness to keep going, and an outrageous amount of encouragement. It did for me.

Who is/are the person(s) who have made an impact in your life?

Have you told them lately?

If not, take the time to do so before the week is over. I pray you receive an email, text, Tweet, or Facebook message this week, making known the impact you’ve made. It’s refreshing.

Matthew 8:1-3 – This is the Test

2011-05-09T06:49:00.001-05:00

By the nature of what I do every Thursday, I feel I’m living a test. Likewise, by the confession of Whom I follow or the indication of the “religious” tab on the info page of my Facebook account, I also feel like I’m living a test. Thursday nights I speak to students to live right and follow scripture. When I get off the stage, I believe they are looking to see whether I follow what I said. Likewise, I’m a Christian, so I believe people wonder if I look like Jesus. My life is a test. My actions determine the grade. And although Jesus gives grace, people are not so willing to lavishly give the grace Jesus gives. My grade can hurt them, the Cause, and ultimately my influence.

Matthew 8:1-3 reads this way,

When he came down from the mountain, great crowds followed him.

Jesus was coming down the same mountain He has been on since the Beatitudes – the Sermon on the Mount, chapter 5. From chapters five through seven of Matthew, Jesus was flipping the world upside-down with His words. Here are some of the concepts:

“You have a purpose – salt and light.”

“Watch your words when you’re angry – it’s like murder.”

“Lust is like committing adultery and the consequences are severe.”

“Give to the needy.”

“Love your enemies.”

“Fasting is important.”

“Don’t judge others.”

“Do for others what you wish they would do for you.”

“Follow my words.”

Those were great teachings, but they hadn’t been tested. He was on top of a mountain - He hadn't interacted with people yet. I wonder if people thought, “This is powerful stuff, but are you going to be like those hypocrites (Pharisees) who tell us to do things, yet they themselves don’t follow what they say?” Things are not much different from those days; people are still skeptical…and probably have just cause.

And behold, a leper came to him and knelt before him, saying, “Lord, if you will, you can make me clean.”

This is the test. Jesus talked about not judging others, but also inspecting fruit. Would He judge the leper? Would He prove to be all talk and no walk? Was He about to trash all that He had said on that mountaintop right here in this moment on the mountainside? Would you blame Him? I mean, He’s talked a long time and He needs rest. Jesus meant what He said, but now is not a good time. Can you imagine if one of “His people” said that to the man with leprosy? Jesus would have lost all credibility – bad fruit.

And Jesus stretched out his hand and touched him, saying, “I will; be clean.” And immediately his leprosy was cleansed.

A+. Try not to focus on the leper being healed, although that was miraculous. Focus on the leper being touched, heard, and talked to. You have to know a brief background to lepers in scripture – they were outcasts. They weren’t talked to or touched. They were ignored. Again, had Jesus done what was expected, then EVERYTHING He said would have been null and void! Great speech, horrible execution.

Before you start your day, think about this. I wonder if we realize the test we're given every day because of how we identify ourselves as followers of Jesus? We’re accustomed to hearing a beep on the TV followed by these words, “This is a test. This is only a test.” Our actions are not only a test or just a test, but it is the test.

I’m Not Usually One of Those Guys

2011-04-25T23:26:00.000-05:00

I’m not usually one of those guys. You know the kind of guy who needs constant ego boosts, to be told he’s doing a good job, or the guy who fishes for affirmation and encouragement. I’ve grown up a pretty independent child; just ask my mom. I’ve always done my own thing. And when I’ve been assigned a task, I just performed it. Don’t get me wrong, I love(d) affirmation and encouragement, but I didn’t work to receive it. I welcomed it when it came, if it came. I’ve always felt being independent was a good quality, because I learned to muscle my way to get things done, even when it felt like no one else was with me. But at times, my independent personality is my greatest weakness. I tend to walk alone, suffer alone, and not that I don’t enjoy other people’s company, but I just don’t do a good job including others into areas of my life. And for no reason in particular, I just feel like not everyone wants to know what I’m doing. Again, I’m not one of those guys. Nothing against those guys, it’s just not my personality.

These past few weeks have been very difficult for me, not many know that. I’m taking the GRE. It’s a pretty comprehensive test that is a requirement to be accepted into Grad School. I need to score pretty high. About three weeks ago, I bought three resources to help me prepare. I’ve been learning 22 words a day, since April the 5^th. I'm on track to learn 500 by the test date, April 29^th. I’m also (re)learning Math. I used to think I was good in Math, not anymore. Honestly, I feel like a failure many times. The last few weeks have been pretty stressful for me. Many people who knew about the test have been very encouraging to me. Many people have faith and believe in me. “You’ll do great.” “You’re smart.” “You’re probably worrying for nothing.” The truth is, I’ve been taking practice tests and my scores aren’t telling me I’m doing so great. Usually the wrong answers outnumber the correct ones. It’s discouraging. Natalie sees the real me.

Today has been a very encouraging birthday for me. Ephesians 4:29, out of The Message reads, “Watch the way you talk. Let nothing foul or dirty come out of your mouth. Say only what helps, each word a gift.” Something as simple as, “happy birthday” and the volume in which I received them today were special gifts to me. Text, calls, and Facebook have encouraged me immensely. They have been a great help. Those two words let me know someone was thinking about me. Thank you for taking the time to type/text/say two words. Those two words spoke volumes of encouragement and affirmation into my life. Today, I felt incredibly more loved, outrageously more special, and indescribably more humbled. You may have thought you were just wishing me a happy birthday, but in actuality, you were breathing hope. Hands down, the best birthday ever.

Thank you.

Wisdom: Hearing AND Following – pt.2

2011-04-13T06:59:00.003-05:00

Because I know you care, last night the Spurs played their second to the last game of the season against the Lakers and lost by 9 points (93-102). Such a discouraging loss, especially as I write this blog post. I do have a feeling they will meet again in the playoffs though. Hopefully, the outcome will be in the Spurs favor...pray with me.

And now the continuation from the previous post.

It seems foolish to have listened to the wisdom of Coach Phil Jackson for one month, then come game time, sit in the stands and watch it with a hotdog, dill pickle, and soft drink. All that wisdom, yet doing nothing with what you learned. Hearing wise words doesn’t make you wise, following them does. Here’s what Jesus said, Matthew 7: 26-27,

But everyone who hears these words of mine and does not put them into practice is like a foolish man who built his house on sand. The rain came down, the streams rose, and the winds blew and beat against that house, and it fell with a great crash.”

I’m not a builder, yet if I did build my own house, it would seem foolish to build it on sand. Call it common sense, I guess, but sand doesn’t seem stable. Foolish means, lacking sense, forethought, or caution. Caution, now there’s a good word for a mental picture.

Ever seen this sign?

It would make sense to use wisdom when we see this sign. So we don't slip, we might walk more carefully--a little more flat-footed.

Or this sign?

Again, it would make sense to use wisdom when we see this sign. This sign lets the driver know that there is a very sharp curve ahead. Curves at fast speeds may cause you to lose control, flip over, or run off the road. Using wisdom: to not pretend to be a race car driver and slow down.

Those are caution signs. Sometimes Jesus spoke of cautions, but what about following any words Jesus said? You know, the things that we (followers of Jesus) see as options, yet Jesus communicated as musts. Here are a few:

· Be salt and light (Matthew 5:13-15).

· How to handle and resolve anger (Matthew 5:21-26).

· Purity regarding lust and looking (Matthew 5:27-30).

Those are just a few I blogged about, but there are many more. If you want to see what Jesus said up to this point in my blog, then pick up the Bible, turn to the book of Matthew chapter 4 (first place documented of Jesus’ words), and begin reading. If you’re interested in reading the ones I’ve written, click here.

There are two questions really that rumble around in my head after reading this passage. If you call yourself a follower of Jesus, have you discovered what Jesus said, so you can, truly, follow? And the second question, are you treating His commands as options rather than musts once you’ve discovered what Jesus said? If you answered ‘no’ to the first question, then it’s not the wise choice. If you answered 'yes' to the second question, then that's not "hearing AND following". You don't need me to tell you it's unwise. (I'm not writing this as if I've got it all together. It's still a gut-punch to me. I need to do better at being wise.)

Wisdom: Hearing AND Following – pt.1

2011-04-11T10:13:00.001-05:00

This is a difficult post to write. As a San Antonio Spurs fan, I believe you were taught, early on, to consider the Lakers as an evil team with intentions to destroy the hope and dreams of the Spurs ever becoming NBA Champions...and quite possibly to destroy the earth. The roots of disdain are deep. Even as a kid practicing sky hooks (Kareem Abdul-Jabbar specialty) in the backyard, I felt disloyal. I would end practices with a few finger-roll lay-ups (George Gervin specialty) to bolster my unending commitment and fanaticism for San Antonio. Yet, I feel the illustration below best communicates the message of the scripture found in Matthew 7:24-27. So, with a great sense of duplicity, here it goes. Verse 24, “Therefore everyone who hears these words of mine and puts them into practice is like a wise man who built his house on the rock.

I think we discover a truth about Jesus’ words: We are not made wise because we heard what He said. We are wise when we put His words into practice; when we follow them. Often, I’ll meet with people who say, “I already know what I need to do,” concerning their missteps of life and my unspoken response, “Then, do it.” The distance between change and complacency is doing nothing with what you know (or learned) is right.

Imagine you play basketball in a summer league. The season begins in one month. In the month leading up to the start of the season, the coach of the Los Angeles Lakers, Phil Jackson arrives to drill the team on plays, shooting, and strategy. This is exciting, because his reputation and leadership is very well-known. His reputation was established as head coach of the Chicago Bulls from 1989 through 1998 and won six NBA titles with Chicago. His next team, the Los Angeles Lakers, he won five NBA titles from 2000 to 2010. In total, Jackson has won 11 NBA titles as a coach. He currently holds the record for the most championships in NBA history as a player and a head coach So, in the one month you’ve listened to him, you are more prepared, confident, and feel wise beyond your years. You definitely know much more than you did had he not taught your summer league team.

Now, fast forward to first game of the season—it’s game day. You suit up. Your heart is racing, but, inside, you feel you hold the advantage over all the other summer league teams. You’ve gained wisdom from one of the most influential, winningest coaches of the NBA. You begin your stretching routine and shoot-around until the game begins. After the warm-up routine, you sit on the bench and wait for the buzzer to ring - the cue to check in and get on the floor; you are a starter. The buzzer sounds. You leap off the bench and run to the scorer's table. Running to the table, you tear away your warm-up pants, to check into the game, but run past the table and head straight to the concession stand. Everyone is looking at you, especially the coach. He's wondering what in the world you are doing, because the game is about to start! You cut to the front of the line and place your order: a hotdog, a large soft drink, and a dill pickle, please. Then, you take your food to the stands, where you sit, ready to watch the game. Foolish move, don’t you think? What about everything you've learned?

To be continued…(will post continuation on Wednesday)

Narrow minded, Christian, Free Thinker

2011-04-04T10:40:00.003-05:00

The other day I was on Facebook (opening line implies extensive research) and I read a comment from a free thinker. The comment called a specific religious group, “whackos” and it was said in such a biting tone. It struck me, because, by association and name, I am included into this “whacko” group. To me, the comment seemed paradoxical coming from a “free thinker”. The comment seemed to portray, “I can think freely, yet your free thought is bound, because it’s not how I think. My thinking is far more superior to yours. You are a ‘whacko’.” At least, that’s how it sounded to me. I found it rather odd that a free thinker would use such a rash generalization. For all the altruistic endeavors a free thinker supposedly pursues, a comment like that doesn’t seem to place much value on all individuals, even those who disagree. I don’t want to make a blanket statement of all free thinkers (I encourage you to not post the same), just responding to one specific comment.

But before I get a bunch of “Amens!” from the Christian corner, judgmentalism seems to be an equal opportunity lender. I guess one of my biggest pet peeves is when I hear and see “Christians” use the same stance as this free thinker’s comment. It’s a horrible modus operandi, especially from followers of Jesus. Using rash generalizations for people who may be involved in areas where “we” don’t approve or condone, because they don’t live up to biblical standards, comes off as judgmentalism and piety. Will there be areas where we will disagree? Absolutely, but as believers, I believe we can make a point without attacking the person. How? First, stop using rash generalizations. If we use rash generalizations and attack people, then we’re no different. It’s like saying, “I can believe in Jesus, yet your belief is bound, because it’s not how I believe. My belief is far more superior to yours. You are a ‘whacko’.” I wonder if that’s how we sound to them too. Because, for all the comments and preaching about Jesus’ love and value on lives, do I convey the same value for all individuals (even the ones I disagree with)? Do I tear people down with my words?

Don't the negatives of both paragraphs seem narrow-minded?

From what I read in Matthew, I don’t see Jesus attacking people; He attacked hypocrisy and He was pretty adamant in His approach. Stop reading this for a moment and read Matthew 7:1-5 (I’ll wait). Then, in the same chapter Jesus says this, verse 12, “So, whatever you wish others would do to you, do also for them…” Next time we open our mouth to speak we have to think, “Do I want people treating me or talking to me like this?”

What Jesus spoke about in Matthew 7:13-14 is eye-opening. The Bible Exposition Commentary, for this passage, states, “….the greatest danger is self-deception. The scribes and Pharisees had fooled themselves into believing that they were righteous and others were sinful. It is possible for people to know the right language, believe intellectually the right doctrines, obey the right rules, and still not [follow God].” As a believer, I feel we need to kill hypocrisy, because it’s killing our chances of building His kingdom…for them and for us.

Don’t look for shortcuts to God. The market is flooded with surefire, easygoing formulas for a successful life that can be practiced in your spare time. Don’t fall for that stuff, even though crowds of people do. The way to life—to God!—is vigorous and requires total attention. (Matthew 7:13-14, The Message)

Ask, Seek, Knock

2011-03-28T17:02:00.002-05:00

This post is a little long and I’ve tried to trim it down, but I couldn’t. It might be a little controversial, so here it goes...Matthew 7:7-12

⁷“Ask, and it will be given to you, seek, and you will find; knock, and it will be opened to you. ⁸For everyone who asks receives, and the one who seeks finds, and to the one who knocks it will be opened. ⁹Or which one of you, if his son asks him for bread, will give him a stone? ¹⁰Or if he asks for a fish, will give him a serpent? ¹¹If you then, who are evil, know how to give good gifts to your children, how much more will your Father who is in heaven give good things to those who ask him! ¹²“So whatever you wish that others would do to you, do also to them, for this is the Law and the Prophets.

I’m looking for discussion. If not discussion, then I’d love for you to process and wrestle with God's word. I’ve done a little commentary searching and wonder if these verses have been used out of context more than a few times in my lifetime. When I first read these verses they didn’t seem to fit in succession with the previous verses (Matthew 7:1-6, see older post), but then verse 12 tied it all in for me. Is it possible Jesus wasn’t talking about me asking, seeking, and knocking at heaven’s door for my own personal needs (raise, pass the math test, good health, etc.)? If that’s not what He was talking about, then what in the world am I talking about? Come to your own conclusion. Let me give you some info.

The Bible Exposition Commentary states (vv. 7-12), “Why did our Lord discuss prayer at this point in His message? These verses seem to be an interruption, but they are not. You and I are human and fallible; we make mistakes. Only God can judge perfectly. Therefore, we must pray and seek His wisdom and direction. “If any of you lack wisdom, let him ask of God” (James 1:5). If we are to have spiritual discernment, we must keep on asking God, keep on seeking His will, keep on knocking at the door that leads to greater ministry. God meets the needs of His children.”

Wiersbe’s Expository Outlines states, “Why does Christ include this exhortation on prayer at this point in the sermon? Because it is so difficult for us, in our own power and wisdom, to obey the commands He has given. “If any of you lack wisdom, let him ask of God,” says James 1:5, echoing what Jesus says here. The believer who seeks to obey the Word of God must constantly ask for strength, seek wisdom, and knock at God’s door for the supply of grace needed.”

Now, let me give you the Biblical context with the previous passage, Matthew 7:1-5, 7-12 (bolded for effect).

¹ “Judge not, that you be not judged. ²For with the judgment you pronounce you will be judged, and with the measure you use it will be measured to you. ³Why do you see the speck that is in your brother’s eye, but do not notice the log that is in your own eye? ⁴Or how can you say to your brother, ‘Let me take the speck out of your eye,’ when there is the log in your own eye? ⁵You hypocrite, first take the log out of your own eye, and then you will see clearly to take the speck out of your brother’s eye....

⁷“Ask, and it will be given to you, seek, and you will find; knock, and it will be opened to you. ⁸For everyone who asks receives, and the one who seeks finds, and to the one who knocks it will be opened. ⁹Or which one of you, if his son asks him for bread, will give him a stone? ¹⁰Or if he asks for a fish, will give him a serpent? ¹¹If you then, who are evil, know how to give good gifts to your children, how much more will your Father who is in heaven give good things to those who ask him! ¹²“So whatever you wish that others would do to you, do also to them, for this is the Law and the Prophets.

Thoughts? I’ll discuss mine, if you tell me yours.

My Life is Your Canvas/I Want to Be Used By You

2011-03-25T17:24:00.009-05:00

On Monday, March 21 of this year, I did something I've never done before. My friend Guy Delcambre and I talked about it in January. He challenged me to do it and I finally did, Monday. It was one of, if not the most, powerful moments I've ever experienced. I’m still processing all that happened – what I felt I heard, what I wrote, what I left there, and what I left with. I went to a cabin, withdrew from city life, and silenced distraction. Isolated, I sat, opened my heart and my ears, poured out my dreams, and listened for the still, small voice of God. It was monumental, deep, and many more adjectives that I could probably fill the page with.

I’m grateful to a few people who were instrumental for such an incredible God moment:

Guy – for inspiring me and pushing me to make this happen

Joe – for a conversation in the hallway of our church that turned into a doable possibility

Mindy – for passing along the information

Gary and Linda – for offering a place to stay, no questions asked and quickly responding to a need in my life.

Pastor Rod – for allowing me to take the day to dream, gain some and lose some

Natalie – for praying for me, changing schedules and driving routines, and being on this adventurous journey called life.

I am journaling through my reflections and look forward to sharing some of my experience. More than likely, it will be “subscribers only” information. So, if you haven’t subscribed to receive email updates each time I post a new blog post, then enter your email in the box at the top of this page labeled, “Enter Your Email Address”.

Here’s one of the songs that moved me, late Monday evening. I wish I had the audio for you to hear.

My Life is Your Canvas

By Clint Brown

My life is Your canvas, so paint

Tried it on my own

and it turned out all wrong

So with Your hands of mercy

gentle hands of grace

You select each color

Fill in every space.

I don't want to risk it to fate

My life is Your canvas so paint

Then Clint Brown (the artist singing the song) ties it into one of my favorite worship songs:

I Want to be More Like You

I, I want be more like You, Jesus

I, I want be more like You

I want be a vessel You work through

I...I wanna be more like You

Book Review – Poke the Box by Seth Godin

2011-03-23T15:47:00.004-05:00

I follow Craig Gross, pastor of XXXChurch, on Twitter. The guy challenges me. He and Mike Foster created xxxchurch.com to reach out to people in the porn industry and those who struggle with pornography addictions. It was something new and highly criticized – still is. I admire Craig’s passion and desire to make a difference. From time to time, he’ll tweet a book he’s read or is reading. Last week, he tweeted about being challenged by “Poke the Box,” by Seth Godin. His 140 character review ignited a desire to go to Amazon and order the book.

Poke the Box by Seth Godin is a quick 83 page read, with very challenging and inspiring content. From the first two pages, it hooked me with the story of Annie. Page 2, “She wasn’t handed initiative, she took it…She became someone who starts something, someone who initiates, someone who is prepared to fail along the way if it helps her make a difference.”

The book states that it is a manifesto about producing something that’s scarce, and thus valuable. If you’re looking to create something new, have thought about doing something that has never been done before, and are wanting a kick in the pants to get it done, then YOU NEED THIS BOOK. It is written from a business perspective, but many parallels could be drawn and applied to any situation—personal, spiritual, economical, etc. I was completely engaged from start to finish – a little over an hour. I couldn’t put it down. And for an 83-page book, I typed 5 pages of quotes. Pretty impressive.

Negative: With this being the first book I’ve read from this author, I didn’t (and still don’t fully) understand the uses of some of his coined words (i.e. ship, shipped, shipping). That’s it, my only negative.

I’ll leave you with these quotes:

“Good enough” used to be the definition of quality….Then the quality revolution hit and the market defined quality as “without defects”….Just about everything on offer—from car to iPad—does exactly what it’s supposed to….Quality is not so interesting anymore. If you have quality and they have quality and that’s all either of you offers, then you’re selling a commodity, and I’ll take cheap, please. Move beyond quality and seek remarkable, connected, and new. –p.20-21

The cost of being wrong is less that the cost of doing nothing. –p.29

If you’re not making a difference, it’s almost certainly because you’re afraid. –p.76

Coffee Confession – Venti disobedience with a double shot of conviction

2011-03-16T19:42:00.004-05:00

January 11, 2011 Natalie and I decided to fast for thirty days. The final twenty-one days we did a Daniel fast – we adjusted some of the diet. Personally, the twenty-one day fast was more difficult than the thirty day food fasts I’ve done in the past. Eating only fruit, veggies, and eliminating spices and sugars (except for natural sugars) was a stretch out of my normal diet. It was horrible and I’m ashamed of my diet prior to the fast. Maybe one day I’ll post a blog with the lessons I’ve learned.

I always want to be more sensitive to hearing God’s voice than I was prior to the fast. I usually walk away from a fast with a few guiding principles, that I feel God impressed in me, and change my lifestyle to reflect it. Brace yourself for the life-altering way God spoke to me: coffee habit. I never thought of myself as having an addiction to coffee, but over the last 5 years of marriage I’ve developed a minor habit of coffee drinking. I’m not entrenched in a full on coffee addiction. I can’t tell the difference in beans or don’t have a favorite Barista at Starbucks, but I was a little disappointed in my desire for caffeine to add that special kick in my life. I’m not trying to heap conviction on those of you who do (that might be the Holy Spirit); I’m just sharing. When the fast was over, I decided to only drink decaffeinated coffee, for at least for a year. In the United States federal regulations require that in order to label coffee as "decaffeinated" that coffee must have had its caffeine level reduced by no less than 97.5 percent. Decaf should range somewhere in the 2-4 milligrams of caffeine per cup range (your fun fact for the day). So technically, I wasn’t going caffeine free, but I felt it was a good decision to honor God in my conviction.

Since that decision, I have gone back on my word. This is my online confessional. I’ve done the hard stuff about 4 times since I made the decision, not including the two times (Friday and Sunday) I’m about to share. In total, 6 times. I know, I know, I’m equally disappointed in myself as you might be. Especially, since I told Natalie on Tuesday (March 8^th) that I could do without regular coffee for a long time.

I want to confess how I think God was trying to get my attention and how I ignored it. If you’re interested in hearing how it turned out, subscribe to my blog (top right of this page is a box, labeled "subscribe"). I’m not going to post how it turned out, but rather send an email to my subscribers. It’s a transparent look into the wacky, genuine way I feel God was chastising me to listen and obey. I will send the email Friday.

Equal Opportunity Judgment

2011-03-06T12:47:00.003-06:00

"Christians are the ones who believe in the God of love, right? We’re the ones who love and worship the Prince of Peace, right? Isn’t that us? Aren’t we the ones who are to hold patience, kindness, and forgiveness up as ideal standards? We’re the truth and grace people, correct? Then why are we hammering others with truth (our take on it, anyway), and then neglecting to share the grace? Those two things go together; one doesn’t mean as much without the other.” -Dan Merchant, Lord Save Us from Your Followers

“Don’t pick on people, jump on their failures, criticize their faults— unless, of course, you want the same treatment. That critical spirit has a way of boomeranging. It’s easy to see a smudge on your neighbor’s face and be oblivious to the ugly sneer on your own. Do you have the nerve to say, ‘Let me wash your face for you,’ when your own face is distorted by contempt? It’s this whole traveling road-show mentality all over again, playing a holier-than-thou part instead of just living your part. Wipe that ugly sneer off your own face, and you might be fit to offer a washcloth to your neighbor. (Matthew 7:1-5, The Message)

You have to understand context of this passage to fully appreciate Jesus’ words. Jesus is still on the mountain teaching a crowd of people. This sermon began with the Beatitudes and they were revolutionary statements (see older blog post). This crowd of people at some point have been ignored, considered second-class, have not felt like they ever measured up to the religious of the day—the Pharisees. The Pharisees made sure these people knew their place—oppression. Jesus’ words created freedom and empowered people to think and feel valued.

Did Jesus want people to change? Does Jesus want us to change? Absolutely! Jesus used an environment of love to create safety, security, and acceptance. Love is the catalyst for change. It’s this kind of love that creates value in someone. And, I believe, it’s this kind of love that creates an environment where people will change. You can’t change people, but you can create an environment where they will change and grow naturally with love.

Jesus loves us not because He needs us to make Him feel important or special. Jesus loves not just to get something out of us. Jesus loves us purely because it is his nature to love. We need to make that our first reaction and response. As followers of Jesus, love needs to be our nature too…and not just with those who love us.

Distracted by Worry

2011-02-28T16:32:00.004-06:00

I remember trying out for a vocal group (ministry team) when I was in college. I’ve never had to do a vocal try-out and to make matters worse, I’ve never really been confident in my voice either. At around 14 years old I sang on a team in a small church and, looking back, I question the sincerity of compliments from the people of this small church. I have a couple cassette tapes of my voice back then and, let’s just say, I hope many of those wonderful encouragers asked for forgiveness.

I had grown pretty comfortable and confident singing in my small church, but when I arrived at college, confidence was severely lacking. I met people who had pretty amazing voices! So when an opening came available for a singing group one summer, I considered trying out. I signed-up, at least. I considered backing out many times before the try-out too. I worried about it for weeks until the date arrived. I don’t know if it’s possible to get a mouth sore on your throat (I guess it would be a throat sore) because of worry, and even if it isn’t, I developed one the day before the try-out.

Walking up the stairs of the Administration building, to the music area, on the day of my try-out, my heart was pounding. It felt like I left my confidence in the dorm room, under my bed, nestled next to a half-eaten bowl of Ramen noodles. My hands were clammy, my throat hurt, and my legs felt wobbly. I was worried the whole way up the stairs—dwelling on the worst possible outcome and practicing pessimistic self-talk. I sat in a chair outside the practice room. They called my name. I walked in. Stammering, quivering, and in a voice reminiscent of puberty, I squeakily said (oblivious to the fact that they just called name), “Hi, I’m Steve.” I’ll spare you the details. I bombed. I wasn’t THE bomb. I bombed. It was horrible and I don’t blame them for not calling me back.

I think many of us do this often. We practice worry so much that we become professionals. For believers, worry is not biblical. I still find myself worrying about little things that end up becoming big things the more I worry. In a time where the economy is horrible, the gas prices are soaring, there is uncertainty in the housing market, and income may be tight, I pray you find Jesus’ words comforting. Maybe it's decisions to make or that have been made and now you're worrying about outcome. Maybe you worry about your kids, your spouse, or your friends. Don’t get so distracted by worry that you miss an opportunity to see joy today. Trust God today. And then tomorrow, trust God again. And the next day, trust God again.

Matthew 6:33-34 (combined two versions)

But seek first the kingdom of God and his righteousness, and all these things will be added to you (ESV). Give your entire attention to what God is doing right now, and don’t get worked up about what may or may not happen tomorrow. God will help you deal with whatever hard things come up when the time comes (The Message).

Thank You

2011-02-23T15:38:00.002-06:00

Silent gratitude isn't much use to anyone. ~G.B. Stern

January of 2010, I began a journey into the book of Matthew to discover the character, attractive qualities, unrivaled influence, and life-changing words of the One who I’m supposed to resemble, Jesus. Over the course of that year something woke up inside me. Actually, I began feeling an undercurrent of something stirring deep inside, yet didn’t know how to communicate it since 2009. I still don’t know how to communicate it. I believe deep change, like the one I’m experiencing, cannot be adequately communicated with words, spoken or typed, but with action. As I read Matthew, I was forced to change, because I saw how incongruent my life resembled the Jesus found in the pages of scripture. I encouraged Natalie, my wife, to join me on this journey. We haven’t been the same since.

I’ve had a blog since 2006, but September of 2010, I thought the blog could be a tool for discipleship—interspersing Bible and real life lessons. I am not a theologian. I don’t claim to be one, but I do feel a sense of duty to challenge other followers of Jesus to take time and discover the One we say we resemble. I have a feeling many followers of Jesus, like me, might discover incongruent living. I feel we need to fix incongruent living, because it’s hurting the church, it’s damaging the reputation of Jesus, and it’s preventing others from seeing God. I have a goal: To read a Gospel a year (4 Gospels, 4 years)—methodical and contemplative, then, incorporating it into day to day life.

I simply want to say thank you for following me on this journey. Thank you for passing along a blog post you may find encouraging or challenging. Thank you for taking time to comment. Thank you for communicating words of affirmation. Thank you for sticking with it on the longer blog posts (like this one). Thank you for reading and allowing me to share my heart with you. Maybe you’ll be inspired to start your own journey. Hopefully you’ll keep sharing and reading…even if it takes four years to finish the Gospels.

Definitely, let’s live like Jesus and change the world,
Steve

Life

2011-02-21T21:40:00.002-06:00

"I wonder if Jesus would care about the end of our American privilege,

our comfort, my cozy do-whatever-I-want-buy-whatever-I-want way of life.”

-Dan Merchant, Lord Save Us from Your Followers

Nat and I have been doing a lot of talking about the amenities of life lately. With this post, I’m probably going to hear about how God doesn’t want us to be poor or how God wants us to be rich. I’d love to hear your thoughts, but I’m merely processing, publicly. This post is also not meant to be a shot to the person who is prospering financially (I celebrate with you). I’m merely sharing a possible perspective shift for me. Here’s what I shared with Nat:

“Do you think we end up being slaves to our lifestyle choices, rather than choosing freedom while living with less? (I’m not talking about a choice you’re forced to make to get out of debt.) Are we overwhelmed with worry, career choices, income level, and stress because we’ve decided we need more than we actually do? If that is the case, then am I more concerned with me and mine, and less concerned about others?”

Reading through the book of Matthew, I didn’t see the disciples caring much about the kind of stuff we’re supposed to care about. You know, income level, retirement, the kind of car I drive or house I live in, and the clothes I’m supposed to wear. In the natural, they left stable life to live what seems unstable and unnatural. What others might have seen as mediocre living became their wildest adventure and it began with giving up the “comfortable, cozy do-whatever-I-want-buy-whatever-I-want way of life”.

My thought only sparks more questions, but the biggest one of all is this: Do I place more value on keeping up my lifestyle, rather than seeing the value in my life or the lives of others?

It’s a motive question that will help me discover what drives my decisions for life. I’m talking about what I need and what I want. It’s going to sound extreme, but should I concern myself with the nicer house (bigger mortgage), newest/latest gadget (trend-setter), or name-brand clothing (status symbol)? I just don’t see Jesus making a big fuss about it in Matthew. Actually, I discovered they did much with way less. Jesus traveled with fishermen and it took a little boy’s lunch to feed a hungry crowd (Here’s John’s account).

I’m sure people will argue a balance point. But I’m willing to argue that someone might struggle shopping at Goodwill for a year if they were accustomed to shopping at higher end stores. And if there is a struggle, would it be safe to assume that we value the lifestyle more than the life? How did Jesus say we should live? I love the way the Message communicates Matthew 6:25-26,

"If you decide for God, living a life of God-worship, it follows that you don't fuss about what's on the table at mealtimes or whether the clothes in your closet are in fashion. There is far more to your life than the food you put in your stomach, more to your outer appearance than the clothes you hang on your body. Look at the birds, free and unfettered, not tied down to a job description, careless in the care of God. And you count far more to him than birds”

Belonging

2011-02-14T12:29:00.001-06:00

I’m impressed with Dassah’s growing vocabulary. She surprises me really. Not every word is pronounced well, while others are over-pronounced – WAH-TER. She’s in, what I call, the parrot phase. Everything we say she says and then there are words I’ve never said, yet somehow she knows. At times, I have her repeat words in order to understand what she is requesting or informing me. I’m sure we frustrate each other, but I finally repeat back what she said and she nods in approval. This is definitely a fun phase. I remember telling Natalie when Dassah was just a few months old, “I wonder what her voice is going to sound like.” I don’t have to wonder anymore.

We have a routine. When she gets out of bed, I walk her over to her grandparent’s pictures on the wall and say, “Dassah, who’s that?” She’ll respond, “Nana, Papa, Ampah (her version of grandpa), and Ita (her version of abuelita),” the names of all four grandparents. Then, we walk down the hall of our home and hanging on the wall are pictures Nat and I took when Dassah was in Nat’s belly—they are those cheesy saloon pics. Dassah will say, “Mama! Papi!” and then she’ll wait for my question, “Who’s in mommy’s belly?” Emphatically and excitedly, she responds, “DASSAH!” I love that routine and will miss it I’m sure.

Last night, Dassah’s words, stilled my heart and brought me back to the moment when I first held her after she was born. I remember that moment like it was yesterday; holding her for the first time, made me want to cry. I’m surprised I didn’t. But I remember feeling connected in a way I’ve never felt before. Responsibility, love unending and overwhelming, a sense of purpose and destiny all wrapped up in one embrace as I whispered to her, “I’m going to love you forever.” I was overcome with those feelings again, like a tsunami, last night.

In Dassah’s bedroom, on her wall, hang her initials (pictured to the left). You’ll also see her very first painting (that was a messy, but fun experience). As I’m lying my head next to Dassah in bed telling her how much I loved her today, Natalie said, “Hey Babe, check this out.” Natalie pointed to the “F” on the wall and said, “Dassah, what’s that? Is that an ‘F’? That’s your last name. Can you say Flores?”

Dassah raised her head up from her pillow, looked at Nat, and then looked at me and said, “Flores”. I was taken aback. I’ve never heard her say her last name. My heart sunk and I couldn’t say a word. I couldn’t have been more proud, humbled, and in awe of that truth. Her words froze me. I had no thought, no concept of time, no complete understanding why I felt as I did, but I knew I was a part of something special. Natalie knew something magical and wonderful happened in me. When we left the room, she helped describe what I was feeling, because like I said, I was speechless.

She simply told me, “Babe, it’s because she just told you she was yours.”

I witnessed as Dassah acknowledged to whom she belongs. Ultimately, I know she’s God’s, but for this brief life, she’s been given to me. I’m her Papi. She’s my daughter. Her words acknowledged that truth. I don’t know how God feels when we decide to acknowledge that He’s our father, but if it’s anything like I felt last night, I’m sure it leaves Him speechless too.

Soul Print by Mark Batterson - Review

2011-02-09T19:36:00.002-06:00

I received this book for free from WaterBrook Multnomah Publishing Group for this review. I hope you find this review and future reviews helpful in choosing good books to read or those to stay away from.

This is number three of Mark Batterson’s books I’ve read. I was a little underwhelmed, because some of the same personal stories were repeated. It felt like I was reading a combination of “In a Pit with a Lion on a Snowy Day” and “Wild Goose Chase.” I love both those books, but was a little disappointed to see a few personal stories told with what seemed to be the same application as in previous books.

Conceptually, I enjoyed the read. I loved that Batterson didn’t make this book just about self-help, but about desiring God to discover identity. He uses the life of David (the shepherd and the king) and draws parallels to how we can discover a destiny similar to David's. From feelings of insignificance as a shepherd to overwhelming gratitude as a king, Mark writes to help the read discover our true identity - our soul print.

There are a couple of quotes that I believe sum up the book:

“The way you see yourself is determined by what you base your identity on. And you have lots of choices.” -p.104

“The journey of self-discovery reveals more than your destiny. It reveals your legacy. It reveals more than what you remember. It reveals how you will be remembered….Ultimately...it’s your actions, and reactions, that define you. So don’t play the victim. Be the victor. After all, that is who you are in Christ.” –p.154

I recommend this book with hesitancy, because of the repeated stories. If you’ve never read one of Mark Batterson’s books, then I recommend it without hesitancy. There are tons of usable quotes. To read an excerpt, click here.

Please take a moment to rank my review - I could win cool stuff. It's anonymous and it's not about highest ranking, but highest volume. Click here to rank.

Desire. Decide. Act. - pt. 2

2011-02-08T10:23:00.001-06:00

“No one can serve two masters, for either he will hate the one and love the other, or he will be devoted to the one and despise the other. You cannot serve God and money." -Matthew 6:24, ESV

You might have read that verse and thought, “What in the world does this verse have to do with Steve’s story?” I know the scripture mentions money and masters, but I want to spend time with what I believe is the heart of this verse—the desire, the decision, and the action. Reading through Matthew, I’ve discovered something about Jesus’ character and it’s this: When He asks followers to do something, it’s ‘either/or’ with Him not ‘but’. Either I obey or I don’t. Either I’m hot or I’m cold. Either I love or I don’t. In the words of Jesus, “I can’t love two masters.” ‘But’ won’t people think I’m too radical? ‘But’ You don’t mean love this person, do You? ‘But’ first let me.… For followers of Jesus, when it comes to what He says, ‘but’ is not an option; the reality is ‘either/or’. To Jesus, riding the fence, being lukewarm, and maybe, are proven to be inaction. I’ve been guilty of it many times and it’s intolerable. I cannot serve God and ________. Either I serve Him or I don’t. I desire. I decide. I act. It takes all three, in that order.

I desire to look like Jesus

I decide to follow Jesus

I act on what Jesus says (obey/follow)

My paraphrase of the verse, “If you desire to follow (love/serve) God, then decide to do so and act like it, because you can’t do what you want and what He wants. It won’t work.” Many followers of Jesus look at His words as options, rather than commands. It doesn’t work that way. We can’t say we follow Jesus and not His words (many don’t even know what He said). It’s like me standing on the final tractor tire. I had the desire to hop onto the tractor tires, because of a decision to jump, but if I stay standing on the final tire I didn’t do what I set out to do. I need to jump to the fence. We need to know what Jesus said, so we can follow His words. We need to move from desire to action.

Let me finish my story. I decided to jump, but it was futile. In a nervous frenzy, I lunged forward to the fence and I fell, splat, into the mud. Completely covered in mud and embarrassed, I remember crying. It hurt my ego then, but today I’m grateful for the decision. I wasn’t crippled by fear. I decided to take a risk—a step toward learning what it means to let my yes be yes and my no be no.

Let me also resolve the question posed in the quote from Andy Andrews at the beginning of the previous post.

“Five seagulls are sitting on a dock. One of them decides to fly away. How many seagulls are left? There are still five. Deciding to fly away and actually flying away are two very different things. There is absolutely no power in intention.” –from the book The Noticer